Progress, not Perfection

Unpacking

2011-09-19T07:01:00.001+01:00

The last post was on June 6th.

Today is September 19th.

It's been a good summer. I saw two of my best friends marry their respective husbands in two beautiful, if very different, ceremonies. One in Chicago and the other in Reading. I feel so privileged to have been part of both of their wedding days and am excited to see how God will lead and use both of them in years to come!

Apart from that it was a pretty quiet summer. I walked across a stage in a silly outfit and shook a man's hand - graduation was a lot of fun and it was great to see Cardiff again. It was weird not to go to Czech but it was so amazing to hear what God did in and through people out there this year.

I didn't accomplish all I wanted to (hello unsorted boxes) but I rested. And rest was amazing.

Now we're in September! By the grace of God I got a part time job which is great! It's in my village and sometimes I'm in the coffee shop and other times I'm in the hardware/homeware/kitchenware section.

And the part time job is how I can do the main thing this year, the thing that I'm infinitely more excited about! I'm a youth work intern in my home church, working under Paul and Val Bowman with two other interns. Lots to learn!

On August 7th I flew from Heathrow to Belfast after the second wedding of the summer and for the first time in over four and a half years I was flying back to NI without another flight booked! It was a weird feeling! And even with my permanence of being here I still have stuff lying in a suitcase (albeit a rather small suitcase) - just stuff that I can't quite figure out where to put... I must do that sometime soon!

So, I'm getting used to living in Saintfield again. This time last year I was back in Cardiff. I'm trying to be all here, not looking too far forward because, really, the future will be here oh so very soon and there's lots to learn in this exact moment. And even in the midst of learning, figuring stuff out and wrestling with certain things I am so sure that this is where God wants me so where else could I want to be?

Oh, and I've a million blog post ideas so hopefully this will become a bit more regular... And it's a good way for me to process so I hope it does become more regular!

September 19th

Many many links...

2011-06-06T11:38:00.001+01:00

These Japanese pensioners with various skills have volunteered to take over the nuclear plant.

Without a link (it was the stat of the day on the BBC one day) but apparently the average Brit spends 36 minutes a day worrying.

A school superintendent in Michigan asks the governor why his pupils are much worse off than prisoners.

103 Essential Rules for Living a Simple Life - I adore this one: "83. Quit reading the newspaper. Bad things happen, stocks go up and down, politicians want your soul. There, I caught you up for the next 6 months."

A good one for my upcoming trip - a petition to revoke the independence of the US. There's also a response, with America annexing the British Isles.

The Red Bull Gospel - an interesting article on the transition from youth group to... what? In the church or outside it?

"When I say I am evangelical I mean I am a Protestant Christian who believes authentic Christianity requires a conversion experience of regeneration and that faith in Jesus Christ as Saviour and repentance for sin are necessarily included in that. It cannot be merely an “enlightenment,” so to speak–a new way of thinking." - from here.

Toy Ad Vocabulary reinforces gender stereotypes?

http://www.incourage.me/2011/05/wrestling-with-god.html

Wrestling with God.

http://thegypsymama.com/2011/05/to-the-mother-in-you-whether-or-not-theres-a-baby/

Childless mothers.

http://www.messycanvas.com/2010/02/i-cant-enjoy-you-im-trying-to-hard-to-be-you/

Title: I can't enjoy you, I'm trying too hard to be you. A great reminder!

http://endveneer.com/

A book I'm picking up in the States.

http://www.newreleasetuesday.com/lyricsdetail.php?lyrics_id=57827

By faith the church was called to go

In the power of the Spirit to the lost

To deliver captives and to preach good news

In every corner of the earth

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-13478338

A great post on unpaid volunteers, largely from the church, and what they achieve. This is what the church should be.

I should be on a coach heading to Heathrow at the time this post is thrown up - I want to remember these links.

Breathe Deeply

2011-06-04T00:38:00.004+01:00

Well, the last exam has been done and all my stuff is waiting downstairs to go in my parents' car that arrives in the morning. Tonight my room is very bare and it's actually my last night sleeping in here - I'm obviously not taking my duvet to the States (where the temperatures are so high I fear I may melt..).

As I pack up the fact I'm about to leave somewhere really hits when I take the pictures, often photos, off the wall and remove the cards that have brightened my day from the noticeboard. And it seemed really fitting as I looked at this one. It's been on my wall all year and was taken at the Lennon Wall in Prague last summer.

I can't believe I'm leaving Cardiff.

I wrote a card for Jo a few weeks ago and in it I wrote a list of all my memories with her - I got to fifty without trying. I have so many memories here. Because I've lived so much life here. With so many memories it's sad to leave but the number suggests I lived here exactly as I should have.

I remember arriving here. To that little room in Talybont. With only three suitcases and knowing little about whta what I'd let myself in for. And only eighteen, straight out of school.

Four years later.. I have more than three suitcases. Much more. And I learnt more that I imagined. I loved more than I imagined. I have so many memories, experiences and friends from here. And I am no longer that eighteen year old girl.

I suspect the lessons I have learnt here I'll always be learning and unpacking for quite some time.

Cardiff has been unbelievable. More than I asked or imagined.

And as new adventures await, and I am so excited about them the lesson that seems the largest right now is the one shown in the photo.

Our time is but a breath

so breathe deeply.

I'm praying I would always live in light of those words.

And the amazing verse that God dropped in my lap? From one on my favourite chapters of the Bible:

Behold, I am doing a new thing;
now it springs forth, do you not perceive it?
I will make a way in the wilderness
and rivers in the desert.

Isaiah 43 v 19

Counting in Sleeps and To Do Lists

2011-06-02T00:17:00.002+01:00

Two sleeps until my final final.

They've been ok so far - the first was a bit dire (I may have wanted to write an apology after the second essay I did...) but the second was much better with one essay I adored. Just one left! I keep repeating the end is in sight but the end just means...

Three sleeps until my parents arrive (and leave again)

For the seventh time my trooper parents are travelling over to Cardiff to collect (three of the times were dropping off) all my stuff. They're taking the overnight ferry from Belfast to Liverpool on Friday night so they should be with me by 11am on Saturday. They're going home the same night so will leave Cardiff again by 3pm at the latest. So, we've around four hours to do a Mary-Poppins'-bag job on a Ford Focus (that has acquired rented roof bars).

This means that when I leave my exam at 3.30 on Friday I have to pack up all my stuff. Want to join a packing party on Friday night? It will be hoppin'. So far I've just packed up my kitchen stuff - I find it's more stressful trying to figure out what to pack when you start early so I'm just doing it all in one go. My housemate Becca has been exam free since last Friday so will be helping (the other two aren't here - Jo left Cardiff today after finishing her last exam! And Gwen still hasn't started hers and is studying at home).

Five more sleeps in Cardiff

This one is a little sad. Although, really, I can't think about it much because of all else that is going on. I am so grateful for all that Cardiff has been for me (and that I'm sure is a blog post of the future) and while I will be sad to leave I am so excited for new adventures.. Not to mention the nightly game of battleships I have to play on the kitchen floor to avoid slugs... Gr-oss.

Five sleeps until Chicago!

Have I mentioned this before? I'm off to Chicago to stand with one of my best friends, Julianne, as she marries her best friend. I leave Cardiff for Heathrow on a 9.45am coach. I'll get on an American Airlines' plane at 5.10pm and nine hours later I'll get off it at 8.10pm. I'm not sure how much my body will love me for that one. So I'll spend a week in Chicago and the place where the wedding will take place on June 11th in Illinois. On 12th I'll travel down to Connecticut to spend just under a week with Anna and her family.

I am excited to see these amazing two women again.

And I am so excited for rest. My to-do lists have multiplied and become more OCD. Yes, it was possible.. there may have been a diagram with tops on the right and bottoms on the left with lines connecting those that matched so I know I am packing the right things for America! Because whatever isn't going to America has to be in that car heading up to Liverpool on Saturday!

And my body has made it very clear that I am too busy. Today, I forget to rinse the conditioner out of my hair (I didn't miss a bit - I missed all of it!). I will be busy for some of my summer - I land back in Dublin and have around 6 weeks to do a 140 hour TEFL course (and I'm away for one of those weeks). But I'm sure post-finals I'll be better with to-do lists and I will re-find time to devour the many books I have on that ever-growing Amazon wishlist!

So, around here might be quiet for a while (aside from a possible mammoth link post!). I am taking paper to America and I have many ideas that I want to write about and I'll throw them up here when I get back... in between planning lessons and getting lost in books.

Monday Mention

2011-05-16T00:22:00.004+01:00

An amazing reminder in this post - check out the amazing image! It's a great song too.

Wisdom from Shane Claiborne. I think I have Julianne to thank for this one.

Wisdom from Stuff Christians Like:

How to Wreck Your Life Beautifully, an article on 24-7 Prayer about David Wilkerson, author of the Cross and the Switch Blade who recently died.

I adore this post on Redefining Radical.

Just like I get real comfort as I read the book of Hosea, this post really comforted me. Amazing.

Living Every Second

2011-05-11T16:03:00.000+01:00

I have less than four weeks left in Cardiff.

New adventures excite me.

But just like that book loved so much… getting to the end, finishing the story is both fantastic and a little sad, as you close the back cover.

So, even in the midst of finals I am trying to choose to be fully present in all the other little details.

The cups of tea

God’s grace that is so very evident in the dark chocolate digestive biscuits

Friends

Amazing sermons

God’s grace that He speaks to stubborn old me

I want to write it all down, soak it all up, live every second of life I’ve been given.

And, yes, seconds that include trying to make my brain learn the difference between remember and know or the routes to bilingual language acquisition or all the details of consciousness. Those seconds are also ordained by God.

So, I may be jumping on the blog a bit more often again.

It’s tempting to not document these last days. It would be easier to hide away and not live them because then leaving them would be less sad.

But I know that is not right. There is a time for everything under the sun.

So be prepared for random streams of consciousness to keep me sane and living in these last few weeks of Cardiff.

Monday Mention

2011-03-21T00:43:00.003Z

The Non-Essentials of Life
Advice from a long term missionary on what is important. As I spend serious head space trying to figure out how I'm going to get all.my.stuff home this summer (oh so much stuff) I really needed to hear those words. This summer I'm going to go through everything I own and be a touch ruthless. I have almost all my notes from my entire academic career. I am never ever again going to want to look at my GCSE math workbooks. Ever.

Fatface Dress
And, in complete contrast to the above link, if someone wants to buy me this dress that would be ok with me! Absolute brownie points if you can get it in red or purple and then I can wear it to graduation. Ok?

Stuff Christians Like
The "serious Wednesday" posts reguarly feel like they were written by someone who could see my own thought processes. This one was no exception.

Veggie Tales tell the story of St Patrick
Hi-larious. Especially the accents. And the fact it's not divided into Wales, Scotland and England but just "England". (Let me also take this opportunity to say I hope you had a fantastic St Patrick's Day and a huge whoop whoop to Ireland in the whole stopping-England-winning-a-grandslam and actually playing well in a match this Six Nations).

Bob Geldof's Speech at SXSW
Some really cool things can be pulled out of this: "Everybody has got the means to say anything they want, but nobody has anything to say." and "For whatever reason she found something lovable in this detestable person ... and so once that love persists, the shriven soul can only and inevitably respond by reciprocating... So a song got stitched back together again, and a human being got reconstructed in the process. Love really is all you need."

Something else I read this week, can't remember where: "I feel like my entire generation can be summed up in six words from a Nirvana song: Here we are now, entertain us." Thinking about that in the context of my life and the church etc... Interesting.

Five Minute Friday: On Waiting

2011-03-18T11:34:00.001Z

Five minutes of writing. No editing. No deliberating. (Click the link to find out more.)

Subject: waiting.

Let’s go.

As I sit here with a horrible to do list and less than three weeks to go before I submit a third of my year’s work (oh dear oh dear – my current word count is 900 of 7000 and my stats don’t make a lot of sense…) it’s really easy to wish my life away.

To the end of a to-do list (do those exist?!).

To Sunday, when I get a bit of a break.

To April 12^th, when I find out my exam timetable and discover if I can go and see one of my best friends get married.

To Easter, a time I expect I’ll crash and sleep a lot.

To the summer… whatever that may hold.

To September… I’m very (nervously) excited about next year and all it will hold.

The year after and… a PGCE? Maybe?

And.. ultimately.. waiting for the big things: Czech. Marriage? Children? Who knows. (Note I didn’t feel the need to put a question mark after Czech but I apparently feel there are definite ones after marriage and children!).

It is easy to think that life will be easy when any one of those situations happen. It can be very easy to wish my life away. Yes, life is far from perfect but it will always be that way and there are so many joys in each day. I just need to look harder sometimes.

But I’m learning to rejoice in the waiting.

To learn in the waiting.

So, here’s to enjoying the waiting.

To living in the “waiting”.

When there's a gun to your head

2011-03-16T00:16:00.000Z

"When there's a gun to your head and you're asked if you believe in Jesus..."

This is one of those situations Christians sometimes talk about. For most of us it is a very hypothetical situation - at least for those of us living in the West. It is a reality for others, notably in the news recently Pakistan.

We bring out this question as one that would for once and for all show our allegiance and commitment to God. We say that if faced with such a decision we hope and pray that we would have the grace, in that moment, to not deny our Saviour.

And I join in on those prayers. But, as I studied the story of the "sinful woman who anoints Jesus", I realised I'm neglecting a lot of the question.

The gun question talks about one moment in time and it's a pretty abstract question: when there's a gun to your head do you pick God or your life.

My life does not have that question... does it?

Well there's no gun to my head but there are some "God or" questions.

God or the snooze button.

God or TV.

God or that book I need.

God or chocolate.

God or my ideas about how something should unfold.

God or my ambitions.

God or my idea of who is deserving of love or compassion.

God or ___________.

Ultimately it all comes down to: God or me.

And I often think I have better ideas.

Every day I have many moments in which to choose God. One could even suggest that every moment holds that decision. None of them have guns attached but they're the decisions of my days, the decisions I've been given to live.

If "How we live our days is how we live our lives" (Annie Dillard) then are those non-gun, decisive moments an accurate reflection of how I wish to live my life? The decisions should be marked by my realisation that God knows best and loves me more than I can comprehend and can be trusted.

So, this week, there is no gun to my head. But I strive to live as one who has been crucified with Christ. One who is been given new life. One who is given daily choices to show that marvelous truth: "For me to live is Christ and to die is gain."

Monday Mention

2011-03-14T10:37:00.002Z

Why Evangelicals Hate Jesus
I found this Huffington Post article really interesting and I found it articulating some of my thoughts on the subject.

Vulnerability TED talk
I love watching the TED talks any time I come across them and loved the one Kara highlights on her blog here.

Who Calls You Happy?
A great reminder that resonated with me in light of my post last Wednesday.

What Churches Could Learn from CUs

I Stress Therefore I Am
A great, much needed reminder as I try to cultivate daily and weekly rest because I need it. One of my recent prayers went: "God, I thank you that I need sleep. I thank you that I need rest. I thank you for the ways that You remind me that You are God and I am not. I need to be reminded."

4thought is one of the things I enjoy watching. Regardless of the topic it's guaranteed to make me think. Here are some, all NI people, that I've found really interesting:
Chelsey: talks about her noticeable sin while others have a secret one that is easier to hide.
Karen: "If Jesus were here I think He'd be so angry about what is being done in His name" Agreed.
Paul Winter: his story of grace and how God saved him is amazing - "I sit here as a trophy of God's grace." (Most of the seven videos in that series are pretty cool - Foy Vance's too!)
Andy Flannagan brings it on wealth and Jesus.

Many links, but at least that cleared out some of the tabs I had open!

Highfields Vision 2011

2011-03-13T23:17:00.003Z

Today was Vision Sunday in Highfields. I missed the evening service - I'm now getting headaches regularly in the evening. Stress? Not sure but it's probably a contender! The sermon this morning was great and I'll probably plug in to the evening one online at some point but on this page you'll find the seven-minute video outlining the vision for the church for the next year.

I know I've said it before but, even with its problems, I have been very blessed to call Highfields home for these four years in Cardiff and I'm excited about what God is doing in and through the congregation there.

I had a lovely Sunday - I've had a busy week where I felt like I've lived in my little lab on the ninth floor of the psych building (Monday: 9-6, Tuesday 9-5, Wednesday 9-5...) but my data looks like it could be interesting but I'll be in there most of tomorrow entering lots and lots and lots of code to pull off the data for each of the 28 participants for each of the 18 or so tasks... I think there will be a lot of music listening to get me through the pain of data and statistics. So, a new week. I've five left before Easter, four before the deadline of all deadlines and much much much to do each day. But it was so good to take today off!

The verse I'm clinging to is

Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful.

(Hebrews 10:23 ESV)

Amazing. God is good.

{Quote} Jon Acuff

2011-03-11T11:23:00.000Z

If you are going to risk and maybe fail, fail at something that matters. Fail gloriously so that even in failure lives change.

– Jon Acuff

Withdrawal

2011-03-09T08:13:00.000Z

I love words.

I own more books than I care to admit,

I read a lot of blogs,

I write this one

And write away in squared or lined notebooks with pretty covers.

I am also known for talking a lot.

But right now there is a lot of unknown in my life.

There’s a lot that scares me.

The words I’m choosing to read were first recorded thousands of years ago.

And the source of those words is where I’m often, sometimes not often enough, choosing to run.

I am grateful for the kind words from friends who listen and endure.

And I am astounded by God’s gracious leading, in the quiet and silence.

I’m slowly realising how often I place my worth in things that have no right to dictate it. I watch the numbers of friends, followers, likes or comments. I read what others are saying about others and think “Well, they’re not saying that to me.” I am filled with self doubt. A symptom of my heart, which so often struggles to remember what it is, whose it is.

Realising the cause, I choose to withdraw.

To withdraw from counting.

To withdraw from judging relationships in such a ridiculous way.

To withdraw from the things that are easy yardsticks but ones that lie.

And, as well as withdrawing from things I’m withdrawing to things.

Withdrawing to the quiet place.

Withdrawing to meet with God.

Withdrawing to ask the questions, withdrawing to receive the answers.

Withdrawing to receive grace and wisdom, that I may show it to others.

Withdrawing to real relationships based on more than numbers.

Withdrawing to remember who I am in Christ, what that looks like, what that means. Withdrawing to Him who died for me, who gives me the right to be called a child of God. Amazing.

Monday Mention

2011-03-07T07:52:00.001Z

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-12298870 The Paedophile hunters

A BBC article about the Paedophile Hunters, an American law I actually like(!) The law allows them to chase and prosecute Americans who buy children for sex regardless of where in the world they are.

http://www.lauraleighparker.com/2011/01/swim-upstream/

A blog from a woman living in Thailand as they serve helping girls who are rescued from horrible situations. A great post and reminder on swimming upstream rather than giving up, on pursuing the good things now, even though they can be tiring.

http://www.incourage.me/2011/01/sparrow.html

A post about worry, about singing in the dark.

http://donmilleris.com/2011/01/28/commit-to-the-work-not-the-goals/

This year I'm trying to keep in touch with people better, to sending post and trying to use all my Christmas themed Wallace and Grommit stamps up before I leave Cardiff...

http://wearethatfamily.com/2011/01/when-things-dont-add-up/

When things don't add up it can be scary - time runs out, to-do lists get long, where will the money come from... This post reminded me to leave room for God to be God. That I see Him best when I know He has to come through because I. can't.

{Song} I Was Made

2011-03-06T10:14:00.000Z

I Was Made by Foy Vance.

Some lyrics:
Then I came 'round
To all the truths I'd found
And I threw down
All the chains that bound me
I was made for loving you

All can be seen here.

{Quote} Morrisey {Picture} Hair

2011-03-04T09:03:00.000Z

(Because my mother requested a picture)

"Shyness is nice and shyness can stop you from doing all the things in life you'd like to." Morrisey

Not a particularly holy one! But one that was on my mind as I walked into the hairdressers this time last week and got more hair removed from my head than I had left. All on a bit of a whim. I went from having the longest hair I've ever had to the shortest. And I love it.

Sunday School Answers

2011-03-02T08:45:00.000Z

One of the ways I serve in Cardiff is I teach Sunday school – or Trailblazers as it’s called in my church. (The youth program is called KGB… which stands for Knowing God Better but we all hear the Russian connotations.) Last year I taught the 8-10 year old bunch and this year I’m with 10-11 year olds, although I taught for the last Sunday on 27^th February. They are awesome kids. Their memory astounds me – although, with so many boys in my class, I sometimes wish they’d remember things other than eye-gouging (we’re in the Old Testament at the moment and boys dig that gory stuff).

As I plan my lessons and choose which activities to do I realise that it’s so much easier to concentrate on the activity sheet, the quiz or learning a memory verse. Those are easier activities than discussing how King Ahab’s disobedience and God’s justice apply to the test they have on Thursday or that little sibling that drives them crazy.

Sheets filled in are productive and keep people quiet. Conversations about God’s grace can be tough and are much harder to “control”.

The kids are awarded a star if they bring their Bible to class or if they remember important pieces of information. Or answering one of my questions, answers that are usually “Jesus” or “Read your Bible and pray.”

We are mindful that we need to be careful so we don’t raise little Pharisees, people who know the words to say and the way to behave but not the whys behind them or the heart they should flow out of.

I am all too aware of my own inner Pharisee.

It’s easy to roll up to Bible study and rhyme off the answers.

It’s hard to figure out how the story of Ehud (yup, going through the Old Testament there too) applies to my Wednesday morning lecture.

It’s easy to show up to church and sing the songs and take the notes.

It’s hard to let them soak in and permeate the days that follow.

I can do all that I can fit into my 24 hour days. But God isn’t looking for a full star chart, fifteen and I can pick something out of the bucket. My life is my sacrifice, part of my worship to Him. He is my First Love, my Redeemer, my Abba Father… I should run to Him, crave Him, worship Him. With all that I am and have and do.

So as I try to get to the heart of the issues with the kids in my class I’m ever mindful that I need to get to the heart of my own heart and remind the inner Pharisee of grace, love, goodness and stars that are mine, but they were given despite the fact they could never be deserved.

Monday Mention

2011-02-28T08:28:00.000Z

Dear Pastors, Tell Us the Truth
A letter on Rachel Held Evans blog about pastors being open with the truth so they can be served and to encourage honesty and grace in the church. I imagine pastors would love this letter, but, sadly, I'm not sure it comes from the whole church.

Where Have All the Good Men Gone?
I think it might have been Rick McKinley's twitter stream that highlighted this interesting article to me. From a psychological standpoint this lengthening adolesence is interesting and will have interesting implications on certain problems. For example, anti-social behaviour is seen by some as caused by a gap between what is physically possible but socially not - the tension, the maturity gap, causes adolescents to act in ways they can to assert their independence. Of course, when they become able to be in relationships, control of their own lives (through moving out, getting a job etc) this gap disappears and the ASB largely tails off by 25 or so for most.

The Kimyal People in Indonesia Receive the Bible
A video showing the Kimyal people receiving the New Testament in their own language. The guy who stands crying in the background as the pastor prays challenges me! Do I prize the Word of God in this way?

And two links from Paul to finish off:
An article on prayer from Francis Chan
The difference between disciple making and consumerism

{Song} Three Minute Song

2011-02-27T22:46:00.002Z

I recently discovered the music of Josh Wilson and am loving it. Possibly one of my favourites is Three Minute Song.

Chorus:
I just don't have the words to say 'cause words only get in my way
I must apologize, I have the hardest time
Finding something to define a God that I can't define
And even if I could, it would take way too long
If all I've got's a 3 minute song

{Quote} David Platt

2011-02-25T10:08:00.001Z

“God delights in exalting our inability. He intentionally puts his people in situations where they come face to face with their need for him in the process he powerfully demonstrates his ability to provide everything his people need in ways they never could have mustered or imagined.” -David Platt, Radical

Living in the tension

2011-02-09T08:52:00.003Z

God is good and God does good.

God works in all things for the good of those who love him, who are called according to His purpose.

But sometimes, as we sit in the place of hurt and confusion, those things don’t match.

So we go to the place of questions.

Why. Why now. Why them. Why in this way. Why.

We battle.

I stubbornly refuse to just accept the answers thrown out.

And God is more than capable of handling any questions I throw at Him.

So I battle.

I ask the questions, I cry out.

The single parent of an only child. Terminal.

Another parent of a close friend. Fighting.

A young pastor with a young family. Treatment stopped.

All testify to the faithfulness of God. Hands raised in worship to sing songs that I struggle to sing because I’ve had a sucky week or lost a favourite earring. Humbling.

And these stories are just the beginning of my personal awareness of the hurt around me.

I don’t pretend to understand.

We live in tension.

Believing that God is sovereign but acknowledging this hurt exists.

Knowing that we are humans, who have no idea what the big picture is (Job 38 immediately comes to mind) but we desperately want to know the reasons.

We know that things will one day be better.

We believe in a God who is making all things new. Redeeming everything.

We know that a place where every tear will be wiped away awaits us.

But we live in a place where there are tears, where rust and death destroy.

We cry out for the new heavens and the new earth.

But know that we are living in this one, called to live in this one, called to be hope-bringers, light-bearers, grace-givers in this messed up, broken world.

God is good and God does good.

No longer a cliché phrase thrown out because we haven’t thought but a belief we’re clinging to because, without it, nothing else makes sense.

We live in a tension.

Choosing to cling to the good while in the grief,

to pray for grace as we seek to live

fully,

lovingly,

graciously,

generously,

faithfully,

in the tension.

Monday Mention

2011-02-07T09:40:00.000Z

I saw this video a couple of times across the internet, tweeted by Pete Greg and then blogged by Rach J, before I watched it. It's called "I’m a university student". I found myself agreeing with so so much of it, especially as I continue to contemplate university I start the final leg I’m filled with thoughts about my time here – I reckon there’s a few blog posts in it!

If each state were a county, interesting diagram!

I adore Calvin and his snowmen are amazing.

A sermon on prayer, and prayers of desperation, by a guy I served on the CU committee with. It hit me in the right moment, exactly when I needed it. Learning a lot about prayer recently!

Teaspoon Christianity - oh how often I confine the ocean that is God to a teaspoon.

How He Loves Us

2011-02-06T17:44:00.002Z

How He Loves is a song I adore. Written by John Mark McMillan but perhaps made "famous" by David Crowder. I remember lying in Czech each night with it going through my ears.

The song can be found here and the amazing story behind the song can be found here.

The lyrics depend on who is singing it (McMillan, for example, has a verse about the event that led to the song). Here are one version:

He is jealous for me
Love's like a hurricane, I am a tree
Bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy
When all of a sudden, I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory
and I realize just how beautiful You are and how great your affections are for me.
Oh, how He loves us so
Oh, how He loves us
How He loves us so.

Yeah, He loves us
Woah, how He loves us
Woah, how He loves us
Woah, how He loves.

So we are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes
If grace is an ocean we're all sinking
So heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss and my heart turns violently inside of my chest
I don't have time to maintain these regrets when I think about the way

That he loves us,
Woah, how He loves us
Woah, how He loves us
Woah, how He loves

I will glory in my Redeemer

2011-01-30T13:06:00.003Z

This is one of my (many) favourite songs to sing at church. I know it's probably more of a "hymn" but I'm ok with admitting that some hymns are amazing - and will forever hold that sometimes it's much more about how they're sung that what they're played to.

Today, Highfields celebrates 25 years since their first meeting in someone's living room - there were fifty of them. Today, there are more than one thousand that walk through the doors on any given Sunday. And First is three-hundred and fifty years old! I love the stories of God's grace and faithfulness that come from the past, stories that cause us to hope and trust for the future.

And as I stood this morning in church I realised I want to be one of those old people who raises their hands in worship and testifies that God is faithful, that He can be trusted because He is good and does good.

I will glory in my Redeemer
Whose priceless blood has ransomed me
Mine was the sin that drove the bitter nails
And hung Him on that judgment tree
I will glory in my Redeemer
Who crushed the power of sin and death
My only Savior before the Holy Judge
The Lamb Who is my righteousness
The Lamb Who is my righteousness

I will glory in my Redeemer
My life He bought, my love He owns
I have no longings for another
I’m satisfied in Him alone
I will glory in my Redeemer
His faithfulness my standing place
Though foes are mighty and rush upon me
My feet are firm, held by His grace
My feet are firm, held by His grace

I will glory in my Redeemer
Who carries me on eagle's wings
He crowns my life with lovingkindness
His triumph song I'll ever sing
I will glory in my Redeemer
Who waits for me at gates of gold
And when He calls me it will be paradise
His face forever to behold
His face forever to behold
His face forever to behold

The verse I'm currently living on

2011-01-18T22:49:00.003Z

(click to make it bigger)

2010/2011

2011-01-05T20:42:00.003Z

This comes a little late as I continue to battle a vile headcold/cold/thing that accompanied me into 2011!

I love reading the news stories at the end of the year. Pictures that highlight the main news stories of the year are great – like this one. Chilean miners, earthquakes, the coalition government (probably best to not get me started on that one!)… On a personal note 2010 probably didn't have so many headlines. I finished placement. I went to the Czech Republic for the fourth time and saw God move in amazing ways. I started my final year at university and submitted my dissertation. I turned 22.

And now a new year is upon us. We see it as a chance to make a fresh start, open a new book, and forget the failures of the past year. I’m unsure I made actual resolutions in 2010. I’m unsure if I’m going to make actual resolutions in 2011.

2011 looks to be a bigger year. It starts with four finals in January then I rush headfirst into a research project (worth four times the dissertation I just submitted and as much as my four finals in January combined). Before I know it, it will be Easter and I’ve finals as soon as I head back from that. In June I hope to see one of my best friends get married. In July I graduate and will probably be trying to figure out what a Czech-less summer looks like. In August I’ll see another one of my best friends get married. And then the adventure starts.

Instead of picking resolutions for the year that lies ahead I might pick a word. A word that will serve as a reminder for all the many resolutions I'll make a hundred times a day.

Authentic.

I’m known for my lack of bull – both in terms of tolerance for it and my inability to not make how I feel known in many situations. But the last few months I’ve been wondering about the authenticity of my life. If the advice is “Don’t tweet holier than you talk” (Jon Acuff, Stuff Christians Like) do I follow that? Do I prioritise my relationship with God as much as catching up with others on facebook?

And on the subject of facebook, knowing what pictures someone was just tagged in is not the same as knowing them – am I pursuing authenticity in my important friendships?

I crave authenticity. I want to be the same when the door is closed as when I’m online or at church. I want to be real in my relationships. I want to faithfully pursue the best things and be quick to abandon all that is not good.

So, in 2011 I am resolving to be authentic.

How I Got Home

2010-12-30T11:36:00.000Z

I felt I should record my journey home for Christmas before I headed back to Cardiff again! Many of you will have seen the unbelievable number of tweets or statuses that appeared that day but they were the summary of the story.

I was due to travel home December 20^th on a little plane from Cardiff to Belfast City.

The Thursday before I submitted my dissertation and on Friday I decided, it being the first day off for weeks upon weeks (my Sunday-off sadly fell by the wayside in November), I would sleep in and sleep until I was done sleeping. I woke up around noon to about 8 inches of snow on the ground. My housemates had been out in the snow having fun but decided not to wake me because they knew I’d be furious.

How right they were. I decided to be philosophical about it all. I drew on something along the lines of the snow being a situation I did not want to be in but I was in it so I may as well enjoy it. Meanwhile, I was fervently praying it would go away by Monday morning.

And it didn’t snow much from Friday to Monday but the snow was still everywhere. On Sunday evening I tried to book a taxi to get me to the station but they weren’t taking bookings, unsure how delayed their services would be. Becca, my first hero of the day, offered to walk me to the station (it’s about two miles), leaving the house at 7am to get to the bus for 8am (I was getting early everything – expecting everything to be delayed by the snow).

So, I woke on Monday morning at 6.30am, rang the taxi company but they could not guarantee I would get a taxi. Walking it was. I got dressed. Instead of taking of my flannel pj bottoms I simply pulled jeans on over them, figuring I could always take them off in a bathroom if I got too warm. Let that decision go down as the wisest I made that day.

We got about halfway to the station when a taxi pulled over. The current passenger was heading to the station and they were offering to allow me to go with them! Amazing. They were heroes two and three. I wasn’t even allowed to pay – they had heard where I was trying to go that day and wished me luck.

The bus came, I got to the airport no problem. But as I walked from the bus into the airport snow was falling. I sat down and enjoyed a £8 breakfast before I could check in. I noticed a few delays on the board and a flight to Glasgow was cancelled. Meanwhile, my sister had flown from Edinburgh to Belfast safely that morning – the one my dad was putting money on cancellation wise.

No sooner had I got checked in and through security than the announcement came – the airport was closed until 11.30. The snow was still falling. I was flying at 11.55 but my flight was relying on a flight that had to come in. Prayers started. Then, it was closed until 4. I was sitting beside the customer service desk – that woman was amazing, dealing with people so politely.

And then a flight was cancelled. And then, my flight was cancelled. I gathered up my stuff, and called my dad as I made it back through security to go and collect my bag. He said hi. I said “cancelled”. And that’s when it really started. I remember walking down the stairs saying “Dad, I’m going to try to figure this out but just put everything on my credit card?” (an emergency-only item acquired when I headed to the States on my own). The reply was “Whatever it takes to get you home.”

As I waited for my bag I talked with others – all the customer service people could say was to ring the constantly engaged number. I recognised a girl from CU and we talked about what we were going to do – there were another two people who knew her. We decided on a ferry – Holyhead would be hard to get to, Fishguard would be easier but we’d get to Rosslaire. I suggested Liverpool and parents were rang to look up that option – trains and ferry. Claire’s mum phoned and the four of us booked tickets from the last sixteen for that night. Now we just needed to get to Liverpool, in the next eight hours or so.

It was still snowing.

We went to the bus stop as the train-link bus pulled up – he wasn’t taking any other passengers as trains were no longer going through that stop and he didn’t seem hopeful that there would be any other buses to Cardiff either.

We ran to the taxi stop. They had no more taxis available – where did we want to go? Two minutes from where the businessman on the last taxi was going! Would he let us join him in the eight seater? Yes!

We piled into the taxi. The eleven mile, normally thirty minute journey took an hour and a half. The taxi man was amazing and drove in horrendous conditions. The businessman heard our plight, and when the next train was (ten minutes after we arrived in Cardiff!) and let us be dropped of first. The taxi journey also involved the taxi being pushed up a hill!

We got to the train station in time to catch the train to Crewe (there was only one every hour or so) and paying the £56 to get to Liverpool was a bit horrible. But we got on the train, hungry and tired people. When the old man came round with the tea trolley he must have thought we were crazy – we bought chocolate, tea, crisps, water etc.

We enjoyed our wintery journey up through Wales and England – the scenery was stunning, the snow continued to fall. We heard that Bristol train station was closed and a couple of hours after we left it Cardiff Central was closed too! Four hours or so later, we got into Crewe, walked across the platform and stepped onto the next train! The perfect train (again, that train only came once an hour or so) which was only there because it had been delayed. Perfect.

We got into Liverpool Lime Street and we met a friend of Claire’s who was travelling to Belfast on the same ferry that night and had gone by ferry before so would be a good guide for us!

We had dinner in a Chinese buffet place and headed to the ferry port by underground and a fifteen minute walk – the boys took care of the girls’ suitcases so we could concentrate on not slipping on the ice!

Joyfully, my driving licence was enough of an ID and after a bit of wait in the building we got onto a minibus to take us onto the ferry. There we met a guy from Ballymena who had been trying to get home from Stansted for a couple of days. He said he was really excited about seeing everyone again after ten horrible weeks. He’d been in military detention – he’d been serving in Iraq and Afghanistan and got PTSD, went AWOL and was going to be put in jail for two years. Instead, they put him in military detention for ten weeks, something he said was only bearable as a few friends were there too. He was excited to go home and be done with the army.

We found some seats around a table in the boat’s bar-type area and settled down. Some went and got food. Claire and I ate cake in the wrong area of the boat and nearly got a member of staff in trouble. We also put the world to rights. Then we played some hilarious games – we played the draw-what-you-say-write-what-you-see game. It was around that point I came up with the song title “My goat came last in the race.” You can take the girl out of the country… After a game of fishbowl and the name game, and much conversation, we tried to sleep. Some with more success than others.

I did not have much success. A cold tile floor on a cold boat… I wouldn’t recommend it! I think I could about two hours. But, again, the flannel pjs were such a good idea. The bell sounded around 5.30am, breakfast was served. I had a questionable sausage and scrambled egg. I also went outside – watching Belfast lights get closer and closer, with mist on the water and air so cold it took my breath away. I was so excited.

We waited for our suitcases and I rang my dad who had come down to pick me up. Seeing my dad after a few months away is always joyful but there was something so amazing – I saw him, called out dad and he saw me! We hugged. None of us could believe we got back to NI.

Goodbyes were said and dad dropped off one of the fantastic four into the bus station – he managed to get to Omagh later that day. The focus hadn’t started that morning, so the last leg of the journey was done in a fiesta. A fiesta that needed pushed up the hill part of the driveway! (Dad quickly realised my pushing skills aren’t up to much – I drove instead).

I was home. Trek, taxi, bus, cancelled flight, taxi, train, train, underground, trek, minibus, ferry, minibus, fiesta. Twenty-eight and a half hours. It’s usually six door-to-door.

But I was home. It was an adventure. One I’ll probably never forget and maybe this will stop it becoming too exaggerated.

To those who followed the journey and prayed for us on it – thank you. It was so unbelievably clear that God was with us, something Claire and I continually said. We got the last taxi out of the airport. We were some of the last to get onto that sailing. A couple of hours after we caught that train Cardiff station was closed too.

An epicly long post recording the epic journey starting the Christmas holidays.

My Dream Job

2010-12-19T09:12:00.002Z

I’ve been thinking recently about what I want my job to be, or a vision for my life.

Imagine the joy of a doctor who knows that his patient is cured. Or the joy of William Wilberforce, a man I would say is one of my heroes, as slavery was legally abolished (although this is sadly far, far from the case).

A couple of years ago it was definitely bittersweet as I passed the baton on to the next prayer secretary. Just before the summer this year the four of us (the prayer sec before me, me, the one after me and the new one!) met up and talked about God's grace and goodness. It is so exciting to see the current prayer sec take dreams I had all those years ago, but did not have the resources to put into action, and run with them.

If I became a trauma counsellor my goal would be that the person wouldn't need me any more.

If I went out to the Czech Republic I would be doing so to, in whatever small way, support Czechs to reach their nation. They hold the key to their nation – I come with cultural and language barriers that they don’t!

So, my dream job may just be working myself out of one. And I'm more than ok with that.

If no, then what?

2010-12-18T08:11:00.001Z

One of the questions Rach J asked when she visited was “If Czech turns out to be a no, what would you do instead?”

A very good question! At the moment the general plan for my life is I hope to work for a church for a year post graduation, then do a teaching qualification and then teach for a year before… starting the journey out to Czech? It’s firmly in God’s hands (something I’m rather grateful for!).

At the moment, I feel Czech is the long-term plan or goal but I know that I could prep for that and ultimately the door closes. What would I then do?

I think what I’d do is what I went into psychology for – I’d become a fully trained trauma counsellor and then work for an organisation (think along the lines of IJM or a medical aid team) and counsel people and train others to counsel.

Counselling, specifically trauma, was one of the reasons psychology originally appealed, as far back as my work experience days. It would be a long road to full accreditation, although my undergrad would be a great great resource; you can’t do a masters in counselling before the age of 25.

So, maybe if Czech doesn’t happen that may be the road I take. For now, I’m trusting in God in all the unknown. But He still seems to be confirming Czech and I’m figuring out what that looks like as I sit in my final year of university, years off having there as a permanent address.

Is it a Boy-Girl Thing?

2010-12-17T09:00:00.000Z

A blog post in which I get on a soap box, for a change, that is being posted with the expectation that all hell may now break loose.

We like to stereotype. It makes life easier. I think when we completely shove someone into a box we do them a disservice. I take great joy in knowing how to bleed a radiator as well as loving to bake. But that’s not to say I don’t sometimes ask male friends to walk me home at night, especially after an unpleasant experience after church one evening. God has made males and females and we get to rejoice in His good creation.

Various friends and I have recently been talking about sins and how some sins are seen as guy sins and others as girl sins. Guys vocalise that girls in churches wear skirts that are too short, tops that are too low – things that I’m not necessarily denying but do guys think about the affect of their inappropriate comments, clothing or behaviour?

(Let me clarify: guys, the reason I shouldn’t ever have to see your underwear is because the clue is in the name. Seeing guys’ underwear because it’s not under their trousers is far from attractive. Especially when it’s inside out and you’re in front of me at the corner shop or, even worse, working the laptop at the front of a church meeting. Both situations I’ve not enjoyed being in.)

Issues around lust are typically seen as guy problems. A guy admitting a problem with lust isn’t all that unusual and in some circles we’d go so far as to say it’s the norm. But for a girl to admit such a thing? Horrifying. We assume that guys struggle with certain issues but girls aren’t expected to? Do we even allow girls to admit they maybe watch chick flicks for all the wrong reasons?

Sin festers in the place where it is not talked about. When we don’t name sin we although the devil to have a very strong hold over us, because, well, who would still love us if they knew we did or thought x, y and z?

Are we failing somewhere when we assume certain people do not struggle with certain sins? Are we giving the devil power in that situation? In assuming we add to the obstacles that have to be overcome.

I think we need to stop seeing different sins as affecting only certain people, and I’m not just talking about different genders. I find it oh-so-odd that in the church, the place where people are because they know they cannot do it on their own, we find so many people who put so much care into looking “fine” and that’s their only answer to the question of “how are you?”

The church is full of broken, sinful people and we need to be honest about that. We need to stop making assumptions. We need to stop expecting perfect people. Perfect people don’t need God’s grace and God’s grace shouts loudest and most triumphantly in our biggest battles.

The Division of Church and State

2010-12-16T09:55:00.000Z

Recently on Twitter a friend highlighted a quote from Wayne Grudem in his book “Politics”: “The teachings of the Bible...mostly support current policies of the Republicans.”

I don’t quite know where to start.

Research by Kay et al (2010) has found that people like to rely on sources of control outside of them when their personal control is threatened so they can feel that their world is under control. They found in both western and eastern countries that people who have a low faith in government have a high belief in God and vice versa.

The Ayatollah in Iran has recently come out (http://mnnonline.org/article/14968) and publicly denounced house churches, which even the government are admitting are growing at a rapid rate. Apparently the growth in house churches has been attributed to disillusionment among young people around the Green Revolution. The people are attributing the corruption in the government, their religious government, to Islam.

In Joshua 5 we see that God is on neither Joshua’s side nor his enemies’.

I have an issue with people driving cars with fish on them. I remember driving around Belfast one day and someone cut me off and almost caused an accident. And then I saw the fish on their car and seriously questioned their faith. I know my driving does not reflect Jesus enough for it to be an advertisement for Him, and I feel similarly about politics.

I struggle with the Republican party. I struggle with issues such as gun ownership. The death penalty disturbs me – as a Christian I believe that those who do not believe in Jesus go to hell and the death penalty may get them their quicker. And while the ideal is everyone having enough, reality is far from that, so on issues around benefits and health care I have definite Democrat leanings, although I’m not going nail my colours to any particular mast because I also have definite struggles with the Democrats. I struggle with the issue of abortion and the sanctity of life and how a man who calls himself a Christian so is consistently anti-life in terms of abortion.

I struggle with anyone saying God is on their side, God agrees with their politics. I think Jesus was radical and turned the world upside down. I don’t think we can say He would have easily walked into a voting booth and ticked any of the boxes we have.

And I think we need to be really careful when we say countries like the UK are a “Christian” country because the reality is far from that. I’ve heard Muslims saying “But when I look at your cities I can’t tell when your holy day is.” True words! So, I worry that when we say our politics are what God would want we alienate people who see the humanness, the corruption, the wrong and attribute it to our God.

Friends

2010-12-15T10:50:00.000Z

The Lennon Wall. Prague.

I have fantastic friends. Friends that have been friends for eighteen/nineteen years. Friends that didn’t start of as friends. Friends that put up with my neuroses on a daily basis. Friends with whom a look is enough to communicate volumes. Friends that I don’t see often but we can pick it up exactly where we left off. Friends in Northern Ireland. Friends in the Czech Republic. Friends in the States who feed my dark chocolate m&m addiction and keep in touch via email and skype.

I am far beyond blessed.

And as I continue to mourn the slow death that is my life in Cardiff I am realising the amazing friendships that have developed here, especially in my church. Little old ladies who are delightful, and clearly love Jesus. Bible study hosts who offered to do my laundry in the exploding washing machine incident. Friends who ask how I am and mean it. Friends who asked about my summer and buzz with me as I talk about God and His amazing work in the Czech Republic. Friends who rejoice when I rejoice and shake their head and say “It sucks” when that’s the emotion. This is not to say I don’t have these relationships in NI! I am just so grateful that I’ve experienced them in a country I’ve only called my own for a few years.

My camera hasn’t been in use all that much recently. I so often want to take a picture and remember a moment but pictures don’t tell enough of the story.

I have one group of friends in particular – the ten of us who served on committee together a couple of years ago in that busy, busy year serving the Christian Union. We had dinner in September, those of us who could make it (one is married, another in France, several are studying elsewhere – we gathered some of the ones still in Cardiff, whether studying or working and made do).

And it was glorious. We ate, laughed, made fun of each other, caught up. A guitar that was sitting in the corner was picked up and played. And I wanted to capture it, especially as it may be one of the last times as many of us get to hang out together. But… uncapturable.

Sometimes I sit in uncapturable moments and rejoice that they cannot be fully documented. I try and soak up every little detail.

Sometimes I sit laughing and talking with people, realising one day soon a rather indefinite goodbye will be said.

And then I think about heaven.

Heaven is going to be amazing. I cannot assert the theology of this but… in my view heaven should at least include a catch up coffee. We’ll be able to sit around and catch up, show wounds, share stories and rejoice at all God has done since that indefinite goodbye.

After we stepped down off committee a friend shared with us all – committee was a training ground, God has so much more in store, He is leading us on to greater things, we had proven faithful with what He had given us so we would be given more. As I looked around that room I understood that – God is using some of those guys so amazingly.

There are many friends for whom I can say that is true. I am in awe of how God has created us, all different and given different ways to work out the great commission. Giving us training grounds today for tomorrow’s battle.

That is so exciting. I cannot wait to sit in heaven one day, all lived out and rejoicing in my Saviour, hearing all the beautiful stories my amazing friends have to share.

And one huge thank you to you all for helping me love Jesus more as I’ve seen Him in you. I am so beyond blessed in the many friendships I have.

The Advent Conspiracy

2010-12-14T11:38:00.000Z

So, you may have realised recently that it has been quite cold. Especially if you’ve been reading my twitter updates. I moan a lot.

Apparently this weather is to see us into the New Year.

I am beginning to envy hedgehogs.

I don’t really mind freezing temperatures 21^st-4^th (except the 28^th – I’ve a wedding to go to and my dress isn’t thermal friendly). I will then have a warm cosy fire to spend my days in front of and a cat that will attach herself to me as a breathing hot water bottle.

But for now I’m in a house with less heating and no fire. And my bedroom was attached to this two-up-two-down terrace recently so it has three external walls and no roof space. So while we do have heating on, it feels pretty pointless in my room and I often see my breath.

I currently sleep/work under a duvet, two blankets and a flannel sheet. And I recently purchased socks that have a tog rating. They’re amazing.

But it takes a while to get out of bed. And showers have to be strategically planned – unless you take them when the heating is on it’s painful to leave the hot water, not surprising when you know my overwhelming preference for hot showers.

And getting to lectures became a bit of a mission in layering – it got cold enough to take your breath away. And I may have prayed “God – you need missionaries in the Maldives, right? I’ll go. Really.” Yeah, no selfish motivations at all. Although, all joking aside, I’m sure the Maldives really do need missionaries – google/Open Doors it.

But, all the above moaning, and much more, aside, I realise how beyond blessed I am. I get to fly home in under two weeks and sit in a warm house and soak in heat. I can afford to buy socks and blankets (and the flight!). I have a roof over my head (however inadequate I feel said roof is sometimes).

Homelessness is a huge problem, especially in Cardiff. I’m making most of my presents this year for Christmas – I’ll be heading back to NI to spend a couple of days sewing! I’ve been putting thought into what I can get people and hopefully the spending of time will communicate my love – plus sewing destresses me, whereas actual Christmas shopping stresses and fabric is cheaper than the lame “oh this will do because I’m sick of crowds” item I would have bought!

I’ll also commit to giving a certain amount to charity too. Usually I buy a goat or school supplies through Tearfund’s scheme. This year I’m thinking of buying supplies for the homeless run in Cardiff that my church partners with loads of other churches in (they each run a night or two a month).

I love advent. I adore Christmas. It reminds me what I have to be thankful for – and that list is long. My moaning makes me so aware of how much I have and how much I am not thankful for it. So, I’m hoping to cultivate thankfulness, to remember how good God is and to worship Him by giving out of my many blessings.

Mammoth Monday Mention in the Last Week of Term!

2010-12-13T08:02:00.002Z

In theory, this post should have been up last week but that didn't happen. Lots of links. It's now the last week of term. My dissertation is due in on Friday and I could hand it in tomorrow if necessary - it doesn't feel amazing or worth ten credits but I don't think either of those will be felt at any time! I should be able to finish all I wanted to here before I leave in terms of reading etc (although, I may not pilot my experiment this term) which is lovely. My exam timetable came out and it's quite nice - 19th, 21st, 26th and 28th. So, pretty spread out and once I get back on Welsh soil in January, not including Sundays or exam days, I'll be able to give each module four full days which is rather lovely.

My aim for my Christmas break is to rest, and not feel guilty doing that, to make my Christmas presents, to head to the family wedding, to hang out with friends and family. My back has been playing up more and more in the past fortnight so I know I'm ready to be back and resting a bit more. I'm flying back next Monday and I am quite excited about seeing my family again. Although I fear my accent is now decidedly English sounding. Some rapid accent re-acquisition might need to happen this week!

On with the links...

If you missed it on Twitter/Facebook a week or more ago I linked to this stunning version of Silent Night by Foy Vance and Duke Special. I listen to it at least once a day! I also quite like another song about Christmas by Mr Vance - although maybe not so relevant to the true message of Christmas.

Rob Bell reminds us what Advent is all about.

There's a Welsh dude called Dai Woolrige - he's a great live poet (for want of a better label), I heard him at the Shane Claiborne event I was at a while ago (that I really should have blogged about!). He has some great poetry on his blog - I love this one on Justice.

A blog post from one of my Highfields pastors about Wales and a longing for Welsh things.

And if anyone wants to read and summarise this lovely green paper on prison and justice reforms I'd love you forever. (Worth a shot, right? It's only ninety-six pages.) While we're on the topic of my forensic module.. last Monday the lecture took the form of a workshop - we were given four case studies (actual case studies), got to diagnose the person, assess their dangerousness (0-100), give a likelihood of them recommitting in the next two years and pick two to release (and be your neighbour) and two to leave in prison. My housemate and I worked together. They were all case studies of sex offenders (so trust me when I say I'm cleaning this up). We decided to release one guy who assaulted his partner and to all knowledge he has never reoffended in his ten plus years of freedom. We decided to release another guy - he raped within a year. The third guy.. well, he was difficult to diagnose. He seemed helpful and readily admitted his offences. Yeah, textbook psychopath (obviously other factors went into that diagnosis - helpful, guilty people aren't all psychopaths). Killed within two months. We decided to keep a 14 year old boy who had been preying on younger boys in, a decision that most of the year did not agree with - he assaulted and killed a boy within a week of release.

It was really interesting to do the case studies, to see how real cases present. You also realise how even doing the course affects your perception of dangerous. The guy who killed again within two months, he assaulted a girl because she said no and then left her naked in a bad part of town (which meant she was attacked by several other guys). Yet I was ok with the "releasing" thing (providing he completed therapy and was on some sort of alcohol order, as all his crimes, and he had quite the list, were alcohol related). We joked that if we submitted the case studies to certain newspapers the responses would be quite difficult. It's a little depressing to learn about these things, especially on a Monday late in the afternoon. But it just supports my thoughts on the criminal justice system and what I feel our government should be doing. I also now feel watching crime programs can be revision for me - they tend to use "textbook" examples, so watching the Mentalist is practically work. Brilliant.

On Enjoying the Questions

2010-12-04T09:27:00.000Z

"You are so young, you have not even begun, and I would like to beg you, dear Sir, as well as I can, to have patience with everything that is unsolved in your heart and to try to cherish the questions themselves, like closed rooms and like books written in a very strange tongue. Do not search now for the answers which cannot be given you because you could not live them. It is a matter of living everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, one distant day live right into the answer.” R.M.Rilke

Forgiveness When Aware

2010-12-02T09:07:00.000Z

Occasionally, among all the reading about fertility, criminality and sex offenders, I get to read some interesting articles. Recently I read an article stating that when people are reminded of their bad driving they are more likely to forgive the person who caused an accident they were injured in.

Interestingly, other research has found that everyone thinks they’re better than average on everything. People think they’re better than average drivers. Even when they’re in hospital. Because of a car accident. That they caused.

I love this article because I can see so much truth in it.

In churches we forget that we are sinful people. We forget that we are sinful, we forget that we have been forgiven much. So we don’t forgive those around us.

I need to be constantly reminded that I am a sinful person, saved by grace alone.

That I am no better than anyone else. That “there but for the grace of God go I.”

That I have been forgiven much, so I should forgive much.

It’s hard to say, harder to live.

So, again, I find myself clinging to grace.

Monday Mention

2010-11-29T09:01:00.001Z

Would the pilgrims be let in to modern day America?

The cookie monster auditions for Saturday Night Live

The map from matching population with land mass

The Queen can preach! From the article: we "need to communicate the gospel with joy and conviction in our society". “a "preoccupation with our welfare and comfort" were not "at the heart of our faith" but rather "the concepts of service and of sacrifice as shown in the life and teachings of the one who made himself nothing, taking the very form of a servant".”

And while we’re talking about “preaching” there are some good views on the abortion debate within this article - it is so important that we provide for the women in the aftermath of their pregnancy decision.

Light of the Nations

2010-11-28T22:19:00.001Z

Tonight at church it was an international led service and the sermon was on Isaiah 49, the Servant who would be a light to the nations. Amazing stuff.

There was a Nigerian who rapped about God’s transforming power. We had a fantastic group of singers who sang a song in several different languages. And the Bible passage was read out in three languages.

The most amazing bit for me was the Polish guy who was interviewed. He came to the UK around the age of twenty and has been here for six years now. He oozed Jesus and shared how his mum, him and his seven other siblings have all come to know Christ. Amazing.

Part of his testimony was how he went to English camps in Poland, before he came to Christ, and he still remembers recognising the difference in the American team that led the English camp, partnering with the local church.

I went and spoke to him after and, yeah, he just oozed Jesus. I shared how I’d climbed Snezka so I had been in his country, he corrected my pronunciation of Snezka (although said I might be pronouncing it the Czech way… Czechs would probably disagree!). I shared my desire to live in Czech/eastern Europe in a few years and said “But I’ve been complaining about how cold it is here..”

And it is cold here. It was still below zero at lunchtime today and not that far from me -17 degrees was recorded. Greenland is warmer than Wales right now. If you’re unfortunate enough to follow me on twitter you are well aware of my moaning about the heat and lack thereof.

What was the guy’s response to my statement? He laughed.

The laugh that confirmed all my fears.

Especially when it was followed with “Yeah, you need to get used to much, much worse.”

Beautiful.

But, my lasting impressions of the night were how amazing God is. God is not confined by culture, nationality or language. Songs and Bible verses that tell of the God of the nations give me goosebumps.

On the last night in Czech I shared from the story of Jehoshapat in 2 Chronicles 20 and how the battle is God’s, not ours, and how, just as we didn’t bring God to the Czech Republic we wouldn’t be taking Him back in our suitcases. Tonight was a great reminder to be continuing to pray for those who heard the Gospel, trusting that God is working to bring all things together.

The amazing thing about God is how He can be trusted to bring to fruition what He started. I am so glad salvation is not down to me – it is God who works in people’s hearts and continues to work, long after we’ve left, and to Him belongs all glory and honour.

And to end the post with a great “Welsh” word: buzzing.

I am sure God laughs...

2010-11-24T10:54:00.000Z

I recently realised that I’ve made some interesting prayers regarding my future.

When I knew I’d be going into full time ministry but not where I distinctly remember praying "God, I will go wherever you want me but …”

There was only one real but.

And it wasn’t about my security, salary or food.

It was about showers.

Specifically, the prayer ended “…there has to be hot showers.”

In Czech I’m happy without straighteners, a hairdryer (although I do use both if teammates have them!), my mobile and even internet but I struggle with cold showers. In 30 degree heat I still don't take cold showers when I can help it (exception: staying in other people's homes: I don't want to be a hot water thief).

This is compared to relationships. I recently, almost without realising I was praying it, said that I would be fine being single for the rest of my life if that's what God called me to.

(This is totally reliant on God’s grace in that and may have some sinful motivation as I struggle with concepts such as admitting all my junk to someone else and having to share not just my duvet but everything with another human. And the duvet would be a struggle on it's own after a housemate sharing my bed on weekends when her fiancé is down – one weekend I woke up several times with her elbow in my face, with her hugging me etc, I’m assured when I meet the one I’ll be more than happy with all of the above and will joyfully pick his socks up off the floor, and I know some of you are laughing, but I sometimes have my doubts. I need a lot more grace and patience.)

Some friends heard about these prayers and have decided that God has a sense of humour. I mean, I said I wouldn't go into full time ministry and now look... so they've decided that if I get married I’ll probably arrive back from honeymoon to a broken boiler.

Why I Love the Church / God is Faithful

2010-11-21T23:13:00.001Z

Today I was also struck by how amazing the church is. Don’t get me wrong, churches are filled with sinful people and are pretty messy places. But catching up with friends is a beautiful thing. At Highfields this morning we had a 15+ orchestra and in the evening it was a youth-led service. I love how the church unites Christians of different nationalities, backgrounds, status, gifts… all joining together to worship an amazing God who is so worthy of our worship.

Have you ever sat in church, listening to a sermon and feeling that the speaker was speaking directly to you, like they’d seen your week and wrote the sermon you needed to hear?

That happened to me today.

Twice.

This morning’s sermon was on Habakkuk 2 and each of the four points were things I’ve been thinking about in the past week – the importance of the Bible, trusting God in the waiting, how the whole world will be redeemed one day and how God is in control now. This past week I’ve been stunned by what I’m learning about, how out of control the world seems, how much suffering there is. And the others were timely, timely reminders.

Then in the evening service it was on busyness and rest and what that means. We looked at Mary and Martha and how it’s about what your busyness is being fuelled by. Is my busyness fuelled by my desire to get my self-worth through that or is it fuelled by my passion for God, the Gospel and His name?

We also looked at Psalm 127 v 1-2, verses my “big brother” Tony had shared with me earlier this week.

I was in awe after this morning’s service and how much it spoke to me but after tonight.. just wow. I am so quick to forget how faithful God is, so quick to forget His love and promises.

With the girl I led a one-to-one with we’ve been going through the fruits of the spirit. Their timing each week seems to be perfect and in relation to the peace study I decided to memorise “You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you.”

When I decide to go to bed, despite the fact my to-do list is far from done (because, let’s face it, there’s always something more to do) – all that happens is it runs around my head. Repeating that verse as I lay my head on the pillow has been unbelievable.

As I read Joshua I was struck by the fact that God gives them promises – He gives them the land, but they must take possession of it. God has given me many promises, promises to sustain me and comfort me, but I need to live in light of that. I need to take possession of what God has given me, I need to open the presents.

And now, at 11 o’clock on a Sunday night, the task is to remember what I’ve learnt today when I wake tomorrow morning and look at my to-do list.

Today

2010-11-18T15:10:00.003Z

After coming home from a meeting I caught up with the internet and email, tidied my room, showered and got into my lovely flannel pjs (checked flannel pjs are the best). I've had a cup of tea and lit some candles. There is nothing left to do now but... get on with my reading and to-do list!

I've written seven blog posts over the past couple of days, they're still being edited a little but will start appearing soon! I'm being controversial in some of them, for a change...

Monday Mention

2010-11-15T23:00:00.003Z

The History of Europe in 5 Minutes (pity it doesn't have dates!)

People live in tunnels under Las Vegas.

An interesting article on the gay marriage debate in the church.

I plan on ordering this book once it gets back in stock - you can check out its contents here.

I hate how big my country is on this map.

A letter to Paul from his "church committee". Hilarious.

This was a perfect reminder that this time of craziness and deadlines are exactly where God will bless me right now!

22

2010-11-09T19:57:00.002Z

I am now a 22 year old! I feel no different but 22 feels even older than 21... My dad frequently tells me "You're nearly 30 Rachael" and that scares me just a little. I've had a complete non-birthday: I "treated" myself to sausages and chips yesterday (Mondays are my busiest days) and clearly something was not right as I've acquired a lovely dose of food poisoning. I haven't left my house all day, I've barely left my bed. So, I haven't had food on my birthday, let alone cake! I've decided that today was not my birthday - I'll be celebrating it with Rachel J when she arrives in two sleeps time! And with my housemates later this month.

But I've been loving all the birthday wishes I've received and am so blessed. In the midst of a few stressful weeks (and as I look at next semester.. I whimper a little) God has been so graciously close. I'm working my way through Joshua at the moment in a thirteen week study and it's amazing all that I'm learning. And as I look to the future, I know that God will be faithful and I am so excited by the life I get to live and the dreams I get to live.

Mammoth Monday Mention and an Update

2010-11-08T08:37:00.000Z

Haitch or 'aitch - which do you say? The BBC produced an article on this that solved an argument my housemates and I had about it. As it turns out I pronounce the letter h the British English way and my housemates pronounce it the Irish English way.

I was reminded of this post, The Beard, on Ragamuffin Soul and I still love it.

I adore the Banksy The Sanctified Rant highlighted this week here.

This map is helpful in distinguishing between the different names for the various groupings of countries around here.

I love ASBO Jesus, this one this week was particularly good.

Pictures of a 10 week old foetus that sadly had to be aborted. Un-be-liev-able. "I am fearfully and wonderfully made."

This photo made me squeal at the cuteness. I emailed my parents to request a pig as they will not allow me to have a goat. Those on twitter will have seen my mum's reply. My dad has yet to reply. My argument is they are clean like cats, fun like dogs and can be trained!

A word map of the world.

An article exploring the affect of Disney movies on children.

~~~

I'm writing this on a Sunday evening and will schedule the post to appear tomorrow. Term is entering its sixth week, a slightly terrifying prospect. Things are going ok so far - I've started my dissertation (due December 17th), I wish I understood my research project better and found it less scary, and I'm getting things done in good time - splitting the reading of modules we both do and sending each other the notes we make is working well for my housemate and I and it means we're actually getting through the reading (some lectures have one hundred pages of reading each!).

Autumn in Cardiff is lovely - it hasn't rained much yet and my weeks have found a nice rhythm. God is gracious and I am learning so much. There are so many blog posts in my head that haven't found their way onto (electronic) paper. And there is a huge excitement in my life this week, in addition to becoming ever closer to the thirty my dad continually talks about "You are nearly 30, Rachael", Rachel J is coming to visit on Thursday! A definite encouragement to get my work done!

Anyway, I am watching Narnia while finishing things up (combining notes across documents, writing Rachel's guide to Cardiff, writing a shopping list, filing..). I hope your week goes well!

Monday Mention

2010-11-01T12:13:00.001Z

I meant to do a post last Monday but only had a couple of links, well this week I definitely have more than a couple:

Commandos and Church Planting

A great post by a guy involved in church planting in Wales - talking about prep and induction and why that's important.

Do you deserve a cookie?

My biscuit consumption has sky rocketed (it's not entirely my fault - one lecturer tells us how many Maryland cookies we'll need to get through a paper. Yes, the lecturer is female.)

Riot Photos

From the incident in Newtownabbey last Monday.

Shadow Art

I Loves the 'Diff

To understand this one you may need to understand that Cardiff people say "loves" rather than love. So, it's I loves the 'Diff (Cardiff). Actually, more accurately, it would be "I loves the 'Diff, I do." I see the hoodies and stickers on campus and adore them but the grammar freak in me could not wear that hoodie!

World Clock

Key facts and figures for the year, deaths from different diseases etc, updating as you look at them. Unbelievable (or, you want some of them to be).

The Lausanne Declaration

The Lausanne Conference in South Africa just finished up - my Cardiff church was involved as a global link up site and the guy who organised it this year is linked with the church so I've been hearing about if for years. If you have been following me on Twitter you'll have seen lots of retweets from me from people at the conference. This is their finishing declaration, of what they believe and what they commit to. It's a conference that pulls 4000 leaders from 200 countries to discuss the needs of the world, specifically in terms of evangelism, and how we can meet those needs.

Some favourite quotes from it:

Vaughan Roberts: When people freeze water, their machinery produces ice cubes that are monolithic, chunky and undifferentiated. When God freezes water He makes snowflakes, infinitely varied, particular and beautiful.

"We need to be geared to the times and anchored to the rock."
"The day I became a Christian my life was over; I said goodbye to my life."
"The problem is not poverty, it's greed."
"Our lives are a pilgrimage between two moments of nakedness, let's travel light."
"Is your church the sort of church about which people in your city might say, "We don't agree with them, but this city couldn't do without them"?

Sorry for the many links!

Monday Mention

2010-10-18T10:28:00.000+01:00

This photo is unbelievable.

Three more words - a great reminder from Stuff Christians Like.

McDonalds in America.

I think the Banksy intro to the Simpsons is amazing.

The miners' rescue in Chile had me captivated - this photo sums it up.

Steve Jobs and the Wilderness

2010-10-11T18:11:00.001+01:00

I am not an Apple person - my blackberry, Creative Zen and Dell will all testify to that. (Although, I do think mac laptops look beautiful and their lightness and battery life may one day swing me.) However, I found the article What Steve Jobs Learned in the Wilderness fascinating, especially as it continues the wilderness Czech theme.

An Excellent Use of My Post It Note Addiction

2010-10-09T09:19:00.000+01:00

Home (until next June!)

2010-10-06T10:00:00.000+01:00

Some heavy-laden bookshelves - with crafty items on the top, psych textbooks and this photo, faith related books, fiction books, stationery and recipe books, and a world of folders.

Old Town Square, Prague. A key verse from Czech for me this year, with the daisies being important too.

Rose, this is my crocodile doorstop you gave me! Remember?

This will fill up over the year with film stubs, tickets, cards etc... Very exciting!

More photos - Anna and Adam on their wedding day, a group of friends and I on a walk, a postcard of a picture drawn by a child at Terezin concentration camp. The verse is something I made to explain unity to my eight-year-old Sunday school class - it was on unity. I showed them a bunch of threads - they just look boring - but together they make something bigger than themselves (in this case: the memory verse they had to learn!).

Charlie has a hard life.

The back "garden". All exterior walls are that colour. Also: a photo of my English class.

Desk. For final year I bought a bigger "To Do" whiteboard and it's coming in rather handy already. Photos: left and right. The left one is an especially good reminder.

A close up to show - a lovely pencil case, a gorgeous Scripture-card holder (thank you Val!) and a bowl that contains different kinds of post-it notes. And that isn't the entire collection I own - I use them for different things! And many of you know my stationery addiction.

A gift from Rose and an orange canvas that says "Living imperfectly with great delight."

I thought Rach would love that the photo she gave me is displayed next to a button bouquet. And some lovely flower brooches - two made by very dear friends.

There are microwavable animals and a chicken teacosy on top of the mirror unit - all essential, I assure you.

I thought I would upload some photos of my room. I spent the first eighteen years of my life having never properly moved, that I could remember. Since going to uni I've lived in a different place in Cardiff each year. I've learnt that I enjoy the challenges of moving - the best way to put things in the room, ways to make a, usually cream coloured, student rental home and dealing with the quirks of each house. It's also quite fun to decorate with different photos each year.

Settling into the house has gone well - and I'm enjoying living with some lovely ladies. I put on a load of laundry last Monday and promptly tripped the whole house. A washing machine repairman came round to find I'd caused the circuit board to explode... Something he hadn't seen in that machine ever. You can take the girl out of Northern Ireland... The lovely landlady arranged a new machine from her holiday in Spain so we do have clean socks.

I also spent £8 communicating with the internet company... their hold music was dire. But it is all sorted now, thank goodness.

Anyway, at least if you hear of me hibernating now you'll know the surroundings I'm sleeping through the rain in...

A Bouquet of Newly Sharpened Pencils

2010-10-01T23:02:00.004+01:00

(Name that movie).

It’s the first of October. And it has rained all day in Cardiff (I’m eleven miles from the rained-off Ryder cup). Walking to a lecture that told me how to use the system I’ll need to get participants for the research I’ll be conducting this year (deep breath… that’s a little scary) I wore a jumper, jeans, boots, coat, hat, scarf and gloves. And so begins the annual October through March uniform in Cardiff. All that will change is the number of layers involved.

I realised a couple of days that I left my wellie boots in NI. Disaster. So I got a new pair today (this works well – it means I don’t need to fly them home to be able to wear them at Christmas time). I also picked up some gorgeous cable knit socks. I’m wearing some now and they are delightful.

And there’s no denying that this season makes you want to buy pretty pens, notebooks and folders to try to inspire a productive academic term. And I do have some gorgeous pens.

I will also increasingly want to buy new blankets and, as it gets increasingly cold (my room is exposed on three sides, ie three of the room walls are outside walls), my desire to hibernate will just escalate.

I’m actually a little excited to start lectures! This semester I’m taking stress & disease, forensic psychology across childhood, adolescence & adulthood, attitudes & attitude change, and developmental psychopathology in childhood & adolescence. So I have four two hour lectures a week, with Wednesday and Friday off.

This semester I will also be writing my less than four thousand word long dissertation. I only have supervision for this piece of work for the next two weeks - in a fortnight I will submit my outline and while it can change a little I won’t be able to talk to anyone about changes so hopefully the next two weeks will be productive and clarifying.

I will also start work on my research project, a third of this year’s grade, which sounds slightly terrifying. Unlike the dissertation, the topic has pretty much been set through supervisor allocation and I feel a little out of my comfort zone with the topic. But apparently the supervisor is lovely, so things could be worse. It is not submitted until April but it’s huge, so will require work all year. I have to submit a proposal for it in the next three weeks too, but it can change a lot so it’s less stressful!

Next semester I hope to only take three modules (I may pick up another if I bomb one of my January exams – a possibility as I’ve never properly studied over Christmas before, they’re my first January exams! And there’s no coursework for the modules). I’m looking to take higher level perceptual processes: face processing, attention and controlling reflexes (picked only to fulfil the picking-from-different-boxes criteria), memory processes & disorders and language development.

I’m excited to be learning again. I am looking forward to the forensic psychology modules and language development, especially. The topic I’m looking into to possibly do my dissertation on really excites me – but that could be shot down or all change come Tuesday, when I meet with my supervisor. I feel a little scared by the fact I’m a final year student. People keep talking about the real world that apparently arrives next year…

But, again, I am loving being back in Cardiff. On Sunday I’ll be praying in church and teaching Sunday school. I love the city itself – the cute cafes and facilities my village back home lacks. And I know more people now – it’s rare I leave the house and don’t see someone I know somewhere on my travels. I love that.

So, I am choosing to focus on the lovely things – the amazing opportunity I have to learn a subject I adore in a leading institution, the beautiful city I get to enjoy for the next year (rain, please stop), the friendships that get to deepen, the church I can plug into, the community I do life with, the exciting plans that follow this year... The amazing God who gives me all of this and so much more.

I am blessed.

Clean Hands

2010-09-29T18:27:00.003+01:00

One of the blogs I read is a psychology research blog. I actually find it quite interesting - probably because it posts about new, interesting, and sometimes quirky, research. (I am currently blogging to avoid reading about my research project... clearly some areas of psychology are much less interesting).

I read this article recently - it details studies which have shown that when participants feel clean they make harsher moral judgements on different social issues and feel more moral than their peers. As I read I was struck by my ability and propensity to judge others.

I am saved.. by grace alone.

It is not by anything I have done or could do.

And yet so often I forget this.

I see myself as better and judge others.

I do not have clean hands. Or rather, my clean hands are only clean because Jesus made them so.

I desperately need to remember this and live this out - in university, my friendship circles and the church. I am a sinner saved by grace alone, trying desperately to love Jesus.

"How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye?" Matthew 7 v 4

Monday Mention

2010-09-20T12:15:00.006+01:00

I am now back in Cardiff! Today I am hoping to have a wonderfully productive day. I currently have chilli cooking and spaghetti sauce in the slow cooker - both are joining the other meals I've prepared and frozen in portions in my freezer for the busy weeks ahead. Next up is apple cinnamon crunch, if I can figure out the gas oven with a hard to close door (but if you slam it the flame goes out..), for dinner with friends tonight!

I am adoring being back - my parents left on Saturday and yesterday I was back at my church here. It is now my fourth year going to Highfields and while it is a big church yesterday was a fun day of talking to lots of people after the services! I also had tea with a friend. I am actually quite sad that this will be my last time actually coming back to Cardiff (save for a weekend trip maybe, but even then a lot of my friends may have abandoned the city after university). I love this city, the friends it holds and the amazing church I go to here. And part of me thinks these feelings will be amplified quite a lot when I potentially say goodbye to NI for long periods of time!

Anyway... more substance will appear soon! But here are some lovely links.

Be the Song - a Foy Vance song that I am adoring at the moment.

One of my amazing uni friends, Amy, is off on an amazing Kurdish adventure! She wrote the opposite of a section of Psalm 103 here and it is amazing. As I read it I laugh at how ridiculous it is, yet to look at my life at times you would think I believed it true .

Paul introduced me to the work of Wendell Berry last Monday after coffee... And let's just say his book is now on my (ridiculously long) Amazon wishlist. Manifesto: the Mad Farmer Liberation Front is amazing and can be found in full here.

So, friends, every day do something
that won’t compute. Love the Lord.
Love the world. Work for nothing.
Take all that you have and be poor.
Love someone who does not deserve it.
Denounce the government and embrace
the flag. Hope to live in that free
republic for which it stands.
Give your approval to all you cannot
understand. Praise ignorance, for what man
has not encountered he has not destroyed.
Ask the questions that have no answers.
Invest in the millennium. Plant sequoias.
Say that your main crop is the forest
that you did not plant,
that you will not live to harvest.
Say that the leaves are harvested
when they have rotted into the mold.
Call that profit. Prophesy such returns.

All Heroes are Afflicted - a post on This is Reverb.

And I uploaded all my UK summer photos - NI, Reading, Coventry. They can be found and checked out here.

Czech and the Wilderness

2010-08-24T13:15:00.002+01:00

So, here’s the post on Czech! It’s a long one but there was a lot to say!

God did amazing things in the Czech Republic – there was an amazing openness to the Gospel. Students were willing to question and ask questions, some sat from the second day of camp and read the Bible for 45 minutes (and continued to read it each night in bed!) just to see what it says! When we had follow up some students got up ridiculously early just to come hang out with us.

And just as we didn’t take God out to the Czech Republic, we certainly didn’t bring Him back with us – please continue to pray for those who were at camp, who heard the life changing message, and some made commitments to it or are at least thinking about it in a new way. Some students, the ones I thought were the least likely, are now reading Bibles or books on Christianity. It is so exciting.

When I arrived in Czech this year, it didn’t feel like I’d arrived. I remember sitting in several team meetings at Malenovice and saying “I just can’t believe I’m here!” And I think that this feeling comes from the idea that Czech just feels natural, it feels like home.

I go there and suddenly I forget that there’s anything else.

I go there and it feels like I never left and I never should leave.

And, again, this year I had several instances of people thinking I’m Czech – in shops, on the tram (I stood up to give my seat to an old man and he spoke to me in Czech, sadly I didn’t understand it all – but I did hear him thanking me) – and that gives me such joy.

I just want to be out there. And I know that once I am out there it will be far from easy and I don’t pretend that I will be some superhero out there. But I know that the Czech Republic is where God is calling me and I so badly want to be out there, and right now!

Rob Chestnut led our training sessions and he shared his story of him and the Czech Republic as he and his wife finish up preparations in the US to go out there full time. One of the verses he shared has become my verse for this year.

“But God led the people around by the way of the wilderness toward the Red Sea. And the people of Israel went up out of the land of Egypt equipped for battle” – Exodus 13 v 18.

God led the Israelites to the Red Sea the long way – and He knew what He was doing. The long route avoided war and the Philistines. So they went through the wilderness and they went up equipped for battle.

Even as I’ve come back God seems to be reinforcing this point of the wilderness. I checked friends’ blogs as I returned and read this verse on Kara’s blog:

“And you shall remember all the way which the LORD your God has led you in the wilderness these forty years, that He might humble you, testing you, to know what was in your heart, whether you would keep His commandments or not. And He humbled you and let you be hungry, and fed you with manna which you did not know, nor did your fathers know, that He might make you understand that man does not live by bread alone, but man lives by everything that proceeds out of the mouth of the LORD.” (Deuteronomy 8:2-3)

And, again, I opened Hosea and read in Chapter 3 v 14-15:

“Therefore, behold, I will allure her,

and bring her into the wilderness,

and speak tenderly to her.

And there I will give her her vineyards

and make the Valley of Achor a door of hope.

And there she shall answer as in the days of her youth,

as at the time when she came out of the land of Egypt.”

God has a reason for it all. The wilderness has a purpose. In Hosea He talks about taking Israel into the wilderness and speaking tenderly to her and making her trouble (the Valley of Achor) into a door of hope.

So, I know God has a purpose for my waiting. It’s looking likely that it will be two years before I’ll be back in that glorious country – the date of my graduation looks like it will sit right in the middle of the week of camp. And that will suck. But I am clinging to the fact that God is a good God and He can do nothing but be good and do good to me. Even if I struggle to see how not being in Czech next year could be in any way good.

When in Czech one afternoon I took a walk – camp was in a beautiful place in the mountains (the same place as last year) so I spent some time walking and talking to God, shouting at Him and telling Him that I had no idea how to be patient and to wait and basically saying I knew what was needed, He did not.

When on that walk I saw two things that I feel God spoke to me powerfully through. One of those things was that sometimes the outcome of trials and wildernesses is something more beautiful than when something doesn’t go through those things.

The other came in the form of a father and son walking along the road in the opposite direction to me. The son was a toddler who was tottering slowly in the right direction. His father was walking backwards, allowing him to face his son. The father had a huge rucksack on his back and knew where he was going, the son had no rucksack and, given his young age, probably had no idea where he was going, he was simply following his dad.

As I got closer and then walked by the pair I saw what the father was doing – he was recording his son, the son who was simply walking along and playing with his coat. And the father was delighted with the son – he was smiling and giggling as he watched his little boy. It didn’t matter that his son didn’t know where he was going or that he didn’t have all he would need – as the father he knew the direction and had all the supplies they would need.

I have no idea what the next year or couple of years hold and I know that cannot face one day of them without God, even though I sometimes try. God knows where I am going, He knows what each day will hold and He is my Jehovah Jireh, the God who provides. I am going to cling to that and cling to the grace I know I’ll need. Because, even in the wilderness He is there and He will provide all I need.

I'm back but I'm busy!

2010-08-11T23:50:00.003+01:00

If you've checked here you will hopefully have noticed the twitter feed and that it is alive and well as I've returned, even if I haven't updated here! And that is because I hit the ground running on my return with a meeting 14 hours after my return to Saintfield and then a week of youth events, soccer camp and programs for kids etc (and I practically lived out of my car). Monday was my first actual free day since sometime at the start of July (if not June). .

All that to say... I'm still not up to date with emails (I know, I'm surprised I haven't got a rash from that "lack" of organisation!)

Czech was fantastic and there are several posts about it in the pipeline. But to write about it..

to blog about it...

to reply to emails about it...

means it's over.

And I know it's not over. Goodness, of the story that will be me and the Czech Republic we've probably only got into the first couple of chapters. So this is no full stop. More of an ellipse. But I'm even struggling with that.

God is teaching me patience and to trust in Him and His faithfulness. And that even as I sit here, trying to get stuff done so I can go to bed before getting up early to go to Dublin, the story of my life and faith continues.

So, posts will hopefully appear soon and emails will hopefully all get sorted soon too. Thank you for your patience. And I am excited to share what God did in and through me this summer. He is so good.

Czech 2010: Redeem

2010-07-11T20:53:00.003+01:00

In the morning I head off to the Czech Republic! The recent blog absence was due to busyness as I returned home, unpacked (after a while!) and started prep for the trip. I'm so excited about what God is going to do in and through me and the team on this trip. And I'm so excited about heading back to this amazing country.

Anyway, I'd so appreciate your prayers as I'm out there! And I'll be hitting the ground running on my return with a week of youth events, holiday bible club and soccer camp! But, no doubt, it won't be too long before I'm back here talking about what amazing things happened!

Redeemed

2010-06-26T01:58:00.002+01:00

I’ve shared before that the verses that carried me through the Czech Republic this year (and that I’ve since tried to memorise) were the first few verses of Isaiah 43:

“But now thus says the Lord,

He who created you, O Jacob,

He who formed you, O Israel,

Fear not for I have REDEEMED you,

I have called you by name and you are mine.

When you walk through the waters I will be with you.

And through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you.

When you walk through the fire you shall not be burned.

And the flames shall not consume you.”

Some studying has shed some light on the word redeemed and it is first used in Exodus 6 when talking about God rescuing the Israelites from Egypt and in that context it means removing the people from a bad circumstance and placing them in an environment in which their faith will grow.

Amazing. Not only does God redeem me but He then places me in an environment in which my faith will grow!

I would love to get the word redeemed as a tattoo but I decided a perhaps smaller step just to try it out would be to get it made into a necklace first. I loved necklaces I’d seen on Lisa Leonard designs for a while and my housemates decided that it was within the housemate-birthday-present price range (the five non-birthday housemates all club together to buy one gift which makes it special). So with some help from poster Julianne (the international posting price was beyond ridiculous for the necklace) the necklace arrived in November.

I really love it and wear it most of the time. It is a really good reminder to me of what I am and I need that reminder all the time.

And then, they released the theme for English Camp this summer – “Redeem”. I am so excited to see how God is going to work through this theme and English Camps this summer for His glory! The trip is just over two weeks away and there’s lots to squeeze in but I am so so excited. And your prayers are so appreciated!

Monday Mention

2010-06-07T07:50:00.000+01:00

Every Monday I hope to share some links that I’ve been checking out recently. Expect lots of randomness but for everyone’s sake I’ll limit each Monday to no more than five links…

As well as really funny posts on church culture, Jon Acuff manages to really expose the truth behind some concepts. I adored this post on the importance on living in the now, especially this quote:

“I think satan is desperate to keep you out of the now, because it’s where Christ lives. I’m convinced that in the moment, in the hours we’re given, Christ is waiting. And satan loves to keep us focused on a past we can’t change or a future we can’t control instead of in a present we can participate in.”

Carlos Whittaker posted this video on his blog and I adored the video – I think it’s a really good exposition on how we fail so often as Christians to be Christ.

On the note of Christians failing to be Christ I both loved and hated Francis Chan’s article exhorting us to stop asking if we’re good Christians, a term that has been so watered down in our culture, and to start asking if we are good Christs.

I am going to categorically state: I adore this video!

Puddings and Packing

2010-06-07T00:04:00.003+01:00

This past week I’ve been off school because they have half term for a week. In June. You know, a whole six weeks before they end term (the mainland UK and Northern Ireland have different school terms – it’s a bit strange!).

It’s been a busy week – I can’t believe how fast it has gone! I spent most of it baking puddings and packing up my Cardiff life for the third year!

Although I don’t leave until June 15^ththe best time for my parents to come and pick up my stuff was on Friday. They also tried out going via Dublin and Holyhead – leaving our house at 9.30pm on Thursday and arriving back there at 3.30am on Saturday with over 800 miles of driving and two three hour ferry sailings in between. They vow they’ll never do that route again but they wanted to check it out.

I’ve also been making lots of puddings. In fact, in the last two weeks I have made over thirty-six puddings (and still have a couple of orders to fill for requests next weekend). I think it was around twenty sticky toffee puddings (and oh how I hate chopping up dates), twelve apple cinnamon crunches and a handful lemon mousses (worst chop by far: washing graters!). I also burnt myself pulling the last batch out of the oven. Something to remember the experience by! Nothing like an inch long scar on my hand to provoke fond memories.

Before I started I picked a high aim. An aim I plucked out of nowhere and thought not in my wildest dreams would I get there. God got there. And I am blown away.

I’m blown away because the people in work I thought wouldn’t support it (because I did say it was a Christian mission I was fundraising for) did, and did so so generously.

In all of this, and in life in general, I am very aware of God’s leading and preparation this summer for Czech. I’m feeling it in a way I haven’t necessarily felt it before and although I’m not sure what to make of that it is definitely a blessing. And I’m just so excited. The phrase that’s been said and repeated in team meetings is “This is easy for Jesus” and that is something so true, encouraging, exciting…

“Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.”

Ephesians 3 v 20-21

Monday Mention

2010-05-31T09:00:00.002+01:00

Every Monday I hope to share some links that I’ve been checking out recently. Expect lots of randomness but for everyone’s sake I’ll limit each Monday to no more than five links…

The Resurgence blog have been doing a Charles Spurgeon series about the fact we are “Bought with a Price” which I’ve quite liked.

A few weeks ago in Highfields we sang a beautiful old hymn called Facing a Task Unfinished and this verse really spoke to me.

O Father who sustained them
O Spirit who inspired

Saviour, whose love constrained them

To toil with zeal untired

From cowardice defend us

From lethargy awake!

Forth on Thine errands send us

To labour for Thy sake

(The full lyrics can be found here)

The lovely Richard Dawkins wrote an article on Haiti in The Times a while ago and it can be checked out here.

This church in Carmarthen (Wales) is hoping to do something very exciting in their community.

Diluted into the Choice Wine

2010-05-15T09:00:00.000+01:00

I've just finished reading Jesus Wants to Save Christians by Rob Bell and Dan Golden. I really enjoyed it and while I didn’t necessarily agree with everything said it was definitely worth reading! A few points rocked my world not least a new perspective on Jesus turning water into wine.

For me this miracle was usually confined to a cutesy story marking the start of Jesus’ ministry. Yes, it showed His power but it didn’t heal anyone, it didn’t provide food for the hungry, it advocated good alcohol.

In Isaiah 1 we read about how unfaithful Judah has become and verse 22 reads:

“Your silver has become dross,

your best wine mixed with water.”

They have become diluted in their love for God.

They have become wine mixed with water.

Jesus?

Jesus turns water into wine.

And not just any wine.

But the best wine.

And Jesus replaces all the rules and regulations with a couple of key commands:

follow Him

love the Lord your God with all your heart

and love your neighbour as yourself

(note: I didn’t say they were easy.)

And in dying for us on the cross we see the love God has for us.

This love that overwhelms

and gives us the ultimate motivation.

Jesus has the power to turn me,

with all my faults

weaknesses

and hang ups…

me,

someone who is so often watered down

and way too often lukewarm…

into someone captivated by Him.

“Nothing is more practical than finding God; that is, falling in love in a quite absolute, final way. What are you in love with, what seizes your imagination, will affect everything. It will decide what will get you out of bed in the morning, what you will do with your evenings, how you spend your weekend, what you read, whom you know, what breaks your heart, what amazes you with joy and gratitude. Fall in love, stay in love and it will decide everything.”

Pedro Arrupe, HT to Rach J.

2010-05-12T22:52:00.003+01:00

The last couple of weeks have been pretty busy. But pretty busy with some amazing things.

One of the most exciting things is that my housemate and one of my best friends, Jo, got engaged nearly two weeks ago now. Wedding plans are in full swing for next summer and as maid of honour there is now a little box in my head labelled “Wedding Plans” that is being slowly filled with dresses, receptions and to-do lists. Definitely exciting times.

I’ve also been teaching English in church recently – a few weeks in the advanced class and then covering the beginner class. For the beginner class I did a very simplified version of Guess Who that I drew – basically just male/female, jumper colour and hair colour. I feel it is safe to say that I will never be an artist. But I adore teaching.

Which is good because I’ve also started my month on Sunday school where the good points have outweighed the bad points. I’m grateful for God’s grace and answers to prayer in the prep. And I’m also in awe of the 8-10 year olds in my class: I’m pretty sure that I could learn a lot from them about sharing my faith and trusting God in difficult circumstances.

I’m also loving placement. After this week I have only three weeks left in school (and one week of halfterm before that last week) – and that includes a signing exam. The teacher in my class is amazing and I’m learning a lot. She also turned to me the other day and asked what my plans were, if I planned to go into teaching. I said yes and she said that was good because “Teachers aren’t bred, they’re born and you were born.” I’m now leading a literacy group which roughly translates as my accent being corrected for 45 minutes a day. One conversation went:

“Ok, you can go sit in the circle now.”

[In the accent-questioning tone that had been used for the last hour] “Circle?”

“Hmm… you can understand some of the things I say.”

“Pardon?”

Sometimes they genuinely think I’m saying something else (eg when I say “film”) but other times they just thing it’s hilarious (eg anything with “ow” in it).

Church is amazing – I simply adoring worshipping in Highfields and living in that family. Lots of people and lots of different people but it’s amazing to hear what God is doing in our city, country and world. We had an AGM last Thursday which I went along to. God rocks my socks off. It’s just crazy how He works and although I’ve been struck by this a million times I doubt I’ll ever stop being in awe of how He really does more than we can ask or imagine! I plan on doing a Dalton Street update soon.

And I've also been doing things like stating preferences for my research project in final year and selecting module choices. All exciting. I'm already starting to dread leaving this amazing city in over twelve months time. Moving here was one of the best decisions I've ever made and I know I am who I am today because of it.

And through all of this there have been many laughs with housemates. I adore the girls I live with – it’s just hilarious to hang out and say ridiculous things (that then appear on the quote wall). On Bank Holiday Monday the three housemates still in Cardiff (two others plus me) went to Barry Island (not really an Island but where Gavin and Stacy is filmed for those in the know). Becca and I were exposing Ana (Portuguese) to a British beach experience and it was perfect.

All this to say.. I cannot believe this is the life I get to live. I am abundantly blessed and I am so excited about what the next few days, weeks and months hold.

Politics

2010-05-04T23:36:00.000+01:00

This time next week the UK may very well have a new Prime Minister.

We vote on Thursday.

This is not the first time I’ll be voting (I have voted in council elections in Cardiff and once in Northern Ireland too). But it’s the first time I’ll have voted in a General Election.

And it’s quite exciting. People protested so people could vote. Uncountable men and women have died through the years in many wars to preserve a democratic society where the population can decide who they have in power.

So, I will most certainly be voting.

The question remains, however. Who do I vote for?

This is the first time it’s been any real sort of three horse race: the Liberal Democrats have won support and have held their own in the TV debates.

The TV debates were good. The first one saw both Cameron and Brown saying many times “I agree with Nick” as they sought to present themselves as forward thinkers and pinch votes. In the second debate that did not happen! And the third debate saw the levels of question-answering decrease and ass-kissing increase dramatically (I fail to see how any of them can claim to understand what it’s like to work as a nurse in an underfunded NHS, as a teacher in a rough school or as a member of the armed forces…).

But I still don’t know who to vote for.

I do not trust two of the three to govern the country. I don’t think one of them would make a good leader of the country and I wouldn’t trust the other as far as I could throw him (and I sucked in PE growing up).

And the third? Well, I agree with the bulk of what he says. Except, and it’s a big except, the party’s policies on matters relating to abortion and religious freedom.

As a Christian, abortion is a huge issue and I’m not sure I could vote for a party that even voted against the abortion limit being reduced from 24 weeks. And I’m against the laws they wanted brought in that would affect who churches (and para-church organisations) could employ.

So, who do I vote for?

The issues above are huge issues but as the results are probably going to be ridiculously close, if not resulting in a hung parliament, do I trust that they wouldn’t be able to really make those matters worse (as they require a majority vote in parliament?). But then the good I hope they’d do may not get through parliament either.

So many questions.

Some people I know are threatening to leave the country if certain people get into power… and in some cases that’s a beautiful motivation to vote those people in.

And how much should my vote for one person be decided simply because I don’t want one of the other candidates in power?

My friend had the following status: “Labour say "Vote Clegg, get Cameron". Conservatives say "Vote Clegg, get Brown. The Lib-Dems say "Vote Clegg, get Clegg". Well they all seem to agree on one thing.”

So while the parties may have decided who they’re endorsing… I am not yet that sure.

And, chances are, on Thursday I’ll simply walk in and vote and not even agree within myself who I voted for.

Meanwhile, the show Outnumbered on BBC have some pretty accurate ideas…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AX5yxpgNazA&feature=related

from six minutes on they have some pretty funny ideas.

Progress, not Perfection

Unpacking

Many many links...

Breathe Deeply

Counting in Sleeps and To Do Lists

Monday Mention

Living Every Second

Monday Mention

Five Minute Friday: On Waiting

When there's a gun to your head

Monday Mention

Highfields Vision 2011

{Quote} Jon Acuff

Withdrawal

Monday Mention

{Song} I Was Made

{Quote} Morrisey {Picture} Hair

Sunday School Answers

Monday Mention

{Song} Three Minute Song

{Quote} David Platt

Living in the tension

Monday Mention

How He Loves Us

I will glory in my Redeemer

The verse I'm currently living on

2010/2011

How I Got Home

My Dream Job

If no, then what?

Is it a Boy-Girl Thing?

The Division of Church and State

Recently on Twitter a friend highlighted a quote from Wayne Grudem in his book “Politics”: “The teachings of the Bible...mostly support current policies of the Republicans.”

I don’t quite know where to start.

In Joshua 5 we see that God is on neither Joshua’s side nor his enemies’.

I struggle with anyone saying God is on their side, God agrees with their politics. I think Jesus was radical and turned the world upside down. I don’t think we can say He would have easily walked into a voting booth and ticked any of the boxes we have.

Friends

The Advent Conspiracy

Mammoth Monday Mention in the Last Week of Term!

On Enjoying the Questions

Forgiveness When Aware

Occasionally, among all the reading about fertility, criminality and sex offenders, I get to read some interesting articles. Recently I read an article stating that when people are reminded of their bad driving they are more likely to forgive the person who caused an accident they were injured in.

Monday Mention

Light of the Nations

I am sure God laughs...

Why I Love the Church / God is Faithful

Today

Monday Mention

22

Mammoth Monday Mention and an Update

Monday Mention

Monday Mention

Steve Jobs and the Wilderness

An Excellent Use of My Post It Note Addiction

Home (until next June!)

A Bouquet of Newly Sharpened Pencils

Clean Hands

Monday Mention

Czech and the Wilderness

I'm back but I'm busy!

Czech 2010: Redeem

Redeemed

Monday Mention

Puddings and Packing

Monday Mention

Diluted into the Choice Wine

Politics

My friend had the following status: “Labour say "Vote Clegg, get Cameron". Conservatives say "Vote Clegg, get Brown. The Lib-Dems say "Vote Clegg, get Clegg". Well they all seem to agree on one thing.”

So while the parties may have decided who they’re endorsing… I am not yet that sure.

And, chances are, on Thursday I’ll simply walk in and vote and not even agree within myself who I voted for.

Maybe in four years I’ll make it so my name appears on the ballot...