Progress, not Perfection

Sunday, November 01, 2009

God uses hats and poor hearing!

This year, without some of the time pressures I had last year, I’m able to experience other parts of Cardiff life. I now go along to a home group in my church and it’s quite exciting to get to know other church members better as well as diving into God’s word more deeply. Another thing I’ve started doing is called Living Water.

Living Water is basically a bunch of people (8-ish) heading out on a Wednesday or Friday night to hand out tea, hot chocolate or bottles of water, (the bottles all kindly donated by a lovely shop!) to people as they come out of the Union nightclub. We’re not there to preach but to practically serve.

Obviously we get asked why we are out there (although most people know who we are – the “Jesus water” people) and sometimes the conversations run deep. Outside conversations it’s still a great witness: we’re there loving people, certainly not judging them and the Union recognise (and the police wrote to the team saying) that incidents were lower when the team is out.

On Friday night I was out and thought it was a slow night. There were lots of us there so some went back to the chaplaincy to pray for a while, to return around 12.30am. After returning out to the not-as-cold-as-you’d-think it got busy.

I offered tea/hot chocolate/water to someone and in the sentence I said they thought I’d said their name. This started a conversation and in me simply asking if it had been a good night they poured out all this stuff from the past year of their life. The conversation ended with them saying how they’ll come along to CU (I hadn’t even mentioned CU or church) because they “need some faith in [their] life.”

At 2am the club starts to empty and among the crowd was someone who commented me on the beautiful hat Julianne lovingly made for my birthday. I thanked them and offered them hot chocolate (we’d already handed out the 600 bottles we’d brought with us that night!).

An hour later the person and I were still talking. About huge things. Depression. God. Creation (and in a real way, not a “I will hide completely behind some old argument” kind of way). How could a loving God send a parent who has lived a good life but doesn’t believe in God to Hell? Loneliness. Organised religion. Other world religions. Jesus and how he was “the best man that ever lived but whether or not He was God requires a a huge leap of faith.” Prayer and whether or not it’s answered.

I got this second person’s email address but follow-up is tricky.

And other people had amazing conversations last night. Conversations where the person asked for the Gospel to be explained in depth. Conversations in which the person (they already knew each other) wanted to go along to church on Sunday.

How much either of these people remember of our conversations, I’m not sure. But I’m praying they do and that God will continue to work in their lives and reveal Himself to Him.

It’s amazing how God can use someone mishearing their name, a gorgeous hat and free drinks to lead others to Him.

Labels: God, uni life

Saturday, October 31, 2009

It came!

The beautiful table and chairs arrived! One flat pack arrived and the guy said he'd be back later and put it up if necessary. Two housemates and I had it up within an hour (and one sick housemate disappeared back to the sofa to recover a little more) - which we're pretty proud of considering there was only one screwdriver (which we owned) and only one allen/hex key (supplied).

I will confess to feeling a real sense of satisfaction when I sat on the chair I'd completely made up. So much so I signed it!

The guy later returned to see the completely set up table and chair set - but he did many of the small jobs that needed to be done or figured out what needed to be done (a part for the toilet, the mattress replaced, an electrician to fix the fuse/fan problem etc).

Labels: hope?, house

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Yet I still dare hope...

The random room.

So this year I moved into a new house with a different letting agency in Cardiff. And the house is pretty nice! But one thing that really attracted us to it was the random room at the side of the house. It is clear that this room was just part of the backyard until a plastic-sheet roof, wall and door made it waterproof (with the exception of the drips that fall from a pipe which should be outside).

Before we signed the contract we were able to request certain things which we got written into the contract. Some of these were basic – like the shower rail needed to be fixed, a drain covered etc. We also asked if they would put a dining room table and chairs into the random room (we struggle to know what to call it – it’s clearly not a conservatory, sunroom doesn’t seem appropriate in Cardiff and lean-to sounds like we’re on a prairie!). No problem was the response and so we looked forward to a nice table and chairs.

Tomorrow rent for November will come out my account. That means I’ll have paid 4.5 months rent (in July you only pay half). And we still have a lack of table or chairs (as you can see above).

We have literally been in contact with the letting agency at least one day in three since September 13^th, asking where our table and chairs were. It is in the contract. They’ve known there should be table and chairs since February, when we were assured it was no problem.

Admittedly, it is not entirely the letting agency’s fault. They’ve been unable to contact the landlord or get him to return our calls. When he finally showed up to assess what we had problems with he refused to do anything about a single issue (including our feeling that our front door simply is not secure) before he even saw them. But we do pay agency fees to deal with this.

We’ve heard line after line after line. Things have gone into writing. We have sought consumer advice (which advised us to put things into writing, with deadlines and if things still weren’t done to purchase one ourselves and deduct the price from the rent).

I went in on yesterday asking to speak to the elusive manager but instead spoke to the girl who handles repairs who is now on a first name basis with me. She told me she’d speak to the manager and call back. At four yesterday I heard from the manager who said there would be a table and chairs tomorrow and I said I’d stay in.

I called today at 3pm to ask when we could expect them and the girl said she’d ring the guy who was to purchase them. I was called back by the manager himself who explained that he was calling because the girl didn’t feel she could again tell me that there would be another day without them. I was told how we were sweet girls (no doubt more persistent than they first bargained with) and I received an apology because we hadn’t been getting the attention we deserved.

Tomorrow. Apparently tomorrow the guy will go to IKEA (the store they normally go to had nothing suitable) where a table and chairs will be purchased.

I have heard so many tomorrows.

But I still dare hope… I so want to have this resolved before I go home for a few days on Thursday. I so want to have table and chairs so friends can come round and I can stop bugging the letting agency (although I may wait until after they fix the fuse downstairs, the humming toilet and the flapping sign that’s not even for their agency).

This has all reminded me of another source of hope in my life. I put a lot of hope in God to come through for me or others.

I hope for…

… the salvation of friends and those close to me.

… a continued revealing of His will in my life.

… certain circumstances – that they would change or that I will trust God and learn to love Him through them.

Lamentations 3 v 21-23 remind me about this hope.

“Yet I still dare to hope

when I remember this:

The faithful love of the Lord never ends!

His mercies never cease.

Great is his faithfulness;

his mercies begin afresh each morning.”

The hope that my table and chairs turn up has been dashed several times as they fail to come through for us. My hope in God? It never has a reason to decrease. His love for me and those around me never ends. Never. His mercies never cease but are new each morning. And His faithfulness is more glorious than I can imagine.

So I will place my hope in God. He knows who I am, my desires, my heart, my failings and He loves me so immensely I cannot question that He knows best.

And I’ll just wait and see if table and chairs appear…

Labels: hope?, house

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Viewing Second Year with Eternal Eyes

This is one overdue post! My second year ended four months ago! But I am, perhaps, able to post with more clarity now.

Second year was a whirlwind of activity but I’ll perhaps start with the reason the year is called “second year”. I enjoyed my course in its second year. The work load was heavier, for sure, but I was starting to understand bigger concepts, was able to study new areas (such as developmental) as well as diving deeper into previous modules and it was (for the most part) interesting.

Church was good too as I was able to dive further in and I can honestly say it feels like I am a part of it. I was able to teach English there which was definitely a challenge at times but one I have enjoyed and have definitely grown through (plus, I am doing it again!).

I lived in a house for the first time which was challenging (sometimes humans seem created to annoy each other…) but it was great to be able to open that place to others (almost every week) and bless them.

The year also included some interesting things like learning Arabic (hilarious, tough and I’m grateful God hasn’t called me somewhere where I need to learn that!) and interfaith outreach through which I learnt a lot .

I was also able to continue to build relationships with others, on my course and in my life, which I hope will continue to grow! And my prayer is that Jesus is reflected in my life in those relationships!

One of the main defining things of my year, one of the main time takers, was, of course, serving on the CU exec. Serving with those nine other godly men and women was an amazing place of growth for me. Through it I learnt a lot about unity – secondary issues paled in comparison to the glorious cross we could unite around as we sought to proclaim it on campus.

We also were able to see God move and provide in the most amazing ways as He time and time again answered prayer, sustained us and abundantly gave us grace upon grace. I also know I personally saw His faithfulness as we stepped down and the new committee took the reigns, a group of people so passionate about God who have energy and new ideas to build on what we have left and work out what works and what doesn’t. And God has been so faithful as I learn more about being with Him rather than my life being consumed with to-do lists around serving Him in this way, and as I learn to take a more back-scene, cheerleader role in CU.

And as I write this review I am conscious of the eternity these events are set in.

A girl who attended events during mission week has now become a Christian and is being discipled by some godly girls from the CU. This year the CU had three hundred new people sign up! And these freshers blow my mind – they are so passionate about God they put us to shame (something we were praying for!) and have been sharing God with their flatmates already (asking for Bibles and Gospels to give them).

And at the first CU meeting a very exciting announcement was made. If you have been the recipient of CU prayer letters you may know that we have had a problem with a venue because we’re simply too big for anywhere. This is not really a new thing, as we’ve been looking for a suitable for venue for years now and people now in their fourth or fifth year remember praying about this in their first year. Each year it has become a more urgent request.

The only place on campus big enough for us is the Great Hall in the Students’ Union but it costs £1000 a night! Which is, you know, out of our budget by a long margin!

Well… it turns out the Students’ Union have to provide somewhere large enough for their societies to meet in. This means we have the Great Hall. Every Wednesday night. Completely free of charge!

It was such an amazing answer to prayer. One that is so exciting – we get to be in the middle of our campus, in our Students’ Union, one floor down from the clubs, proclaiming God and His salvation.

People prayed for that years ago and didn’t see the result. It reminds me a lot of Hebrews 11 “These all died in faith, not having received the things promised, but having seen them and greeted them from afar,” “And all these, though commended through their faith, did not receive what was promised.” What we do echoes in eternity.

On Sunday night my church had a baptismal service and one of the girls getting baptised was from a certain closed country, studying in Cardiff and went along to Internationals’ events (like English class) in my church… went along to a Christianity Explored course and God moved.

A lot of what I did in second year didn’t seem exciting. Writing essays, preparing for tutorials, planning lessons, working out who could lead prayer meetings etc didn’t always seem exciting.

But God is a faithful God and is at work in ways I can only imagine! I can’t wait for future goosebump moments (like when that Great Hall announcement was made) when I realise, once again, how passionately God loves us and how He is working out through it all His glorious redemptive plan.

Labels: CU, God, second year, woot

Monday, October 19, 2009

Little Things

Little things are rarely exciting.

I spend my days, unpaid, with five and six year olds. Threading plastic frogs onto string isn’t exciting. I despair as I’m asked for the one hundredth time for my name (by the same kid, in my fourth week there). I wonder if the kids will ever actually learn [insert numbers or letters here that I’m convinced they guess, or how to spell etc].

Cutting out stuff for Sunday school or trying to think of creative ways to get them to learn a memory verse isn’t really exciting.

Tidying up and doing laundry really aren’t exciting and they need to be done constantly!

And, I may as well be honest, sometimes reading my bible or praying do not seem exciting. I mean… if I miss a day… what’s the big deal?

Little things rarely seem exciting.

But… there’s a bigger picture made up of the little things.

I cannot describe the joy I feel when…

… that kid calls me by my name, a kid spells their name correctly, a kid announces proudly and correctly that they have three buttons on their shirt, a kid enjoys the craft, my Sunday school class can say the memory verse the next week etc.

And it is all about the little things. Threading plastic frogs onto string? It helps the child’s motor development in ways that might help them to write more clearly. Having the discipline to keep my room tidy? I will probably have my own home one day to keep in order so maybe I should practise on a small scale!

Sure, my life won’t necessarily crumble if I skip reading my Bible today but as I look back to my younger faith I know I want to “press on to know the Lord” (Hosea 6 v 3) more and more because He grows (or, rather, I see Him bigger).

I’m steadily learning that little things today can lead to bigger things tomorrow. From threading frogs to writing clearly. From understanding my God better to… who knows? Teaching others about Him?

Little things can be tedious and frustrating but, seen rightly, they may just seem a little bit more exciting!

Labels: exciting, life, thoughts

Monday, October 12, 2009

Behind a Name

A while ago (ok, yes, several months ago now) I changed the name of my little corner of the internet. While this does not reflect a waning affection for my duvet (you should see me trying to get out of bed by the necessary time – especially when that time is 7.30am every weekday), it is a change I’ve wanted to make for a while.

If you know me you probably know that one of my qualities is a strong perfectionist streak. And while that can be good thing – striving to be good at things you do is a great quality – it can also be debilitating.

I am two weeks into a thirty week long placement and am not yet over the fear that I will completely screw this up. I mean, it’s a year out of academia and over my almost-twenty-one years I have discovered that academia is something I can do.

Placements? I don’t have a lot of experience of those and as the start date drew near I almost wanted to curl up and not go. If I didn’t go I wouldn’t know if I’d failed had I tried.

And even now, at the start of the placement I am already thinking about next September and my final year of university and big things like dissertations, research projects and getting back into writing essays after a year without them! What if I loose my academic mojo in my year of being surrounded by five and six year olds?

I also know, as I look further down the road into the future, at some point some language learning will occur. And not just any language: Czech. The language where a letter of the alphabet sounds like an r and a z pronounced at the same time.

Are you kidding me? And you only learn languages by having an experienced teacher who corrects you when you mess it up. It involves being willing to not be perfect as you progress towards your goal.

Perfectionism makes me want to not try rather than fail and therein lies what would perhaps be the biggest failure of all.

So… the new blog title is there as a reminder and to be the title as I chart my progress in living a life that is marked with trying and striving towards a high goal… but not being so consumed by the level I set myself that I don’t even start the process.

Labels: blogging

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Czech 09

Graffitti on the Lennon Wall in Prague.

After a long two month break, I’m back to blogging. This morning in church (at the time this is scheduled to appear) the Czech team are sharing with the church how our mission trip went, and I was asked to share the testimony of my time out there for 5-8 minutes. Here is my, slightly edited, transcript.

This summer was my third time in the Czech Rep teaching English. I think some people wonder why we go back year after year. But going on a mission trip isn’t just about ticking the “I’ve been on a mission trip” box. When we go out there we partner with Josiah Venture and the local church and build relationships with young people in which we get to share the Gospel.

A verse that was shared last year in the Czech Republic by a missionary out there was Haggai chapter 1 v 4 "Is it a time for you yourselves to dwell in your panelled houses, while this house lies in ruins?”

We are so blessed in the UK to have amazing churches and youth ministries and we even take it for granted that people have at least heard of Christianity and Jesus in whatever form. In the Czech Republic and throughout central and eastern Europe that is not necessarily the case. We go out to proclaim God to these young people, to partner with the local church and to help build God’s house in that nation. That is just such an amazing opportunity to take part in.

And out there it’s just amazing to see how God works! Each year I go out He simply blows me away with His faithfulness and how He works. There is one Christian Czech young person who we’ve seen year after year. And she invited some of her closest friends along to camp, to hear the message of God, perhaps not fully expecting they’d come. On one of the last nights of camp she sat and told her testimony to my English class and explained why she believed in God. It was amazing to see one Czech young person telling another about our amazing God and for her to have the courage to do so in front of her friends!

And one of her friends was another student from my class and she came along to English camp because she wanted to improve her English and was kind of curious about meeting Christians, but she didn’t believe in God.

Over the course of the week I got to witness as God worked in her life. She wrestled with the ideas that came out of the evening programs and huge questions about things like free will and why God gives us second chances. She couldn’t understand how the words God spoke through Paul stuck in her head and I got to sit with her and give her a Bible so she could find the answers to the man questions she has.

And everybody on the team has amazing stories to tell about how they saw God work this summer – I would encourage you to ask for more stories!

But I also got to see God work powerfully in my own life. When you go out there it’s not a little holiday with some teaching thrown in. There’s a demanding schedule, teaching, leading discussion groups, a lack of sleep as well as working within not only a Northern Irish/American team but one that also includes Czech believers. And, of course, when God’s word is proclaimed we encounter opposition because the devil doesn’t want the Gospel to be told. All that leads to a time which can be pretty tough.

But in that time I have never known more clearly the extent to which God is my strength, my wisdom and my peace! The verse that completely sustained me during camp was Isaiah 42 v 16:

“And I will lead the blind in a way that they do not know, in paths they have not known I will guide them. I will turn the darkness before them into light, the rough places into level ground. These are the things I do and I do not forsake them.”

As I come back from Czech my priorities again are being re-evaluated as I know one day Christ will come back or call us home and I want to make sure I have served Him fully in the time and gifts He has given me. And as I look to the future I am just so excited about what God is going to do in the Czech Republic and any role I might be able to play in His plan.

I’d like to take this opportunity to thank you guys in the church family for supporting us. We literally could not have done it had it not been for your prayer and financial support so a huge thank you for standing alongside us and cheering for us as we served this summer.

I’d also like to thank the wonderful Bowmans. As a team we have seen how you have served us – in prep before the trip, holding us together during the trip and in continued support and care. But I also know that that what is seen is just a small part of your ministry to us – we really couldn’t have done it without you and so appreciate the many sacrifices you have made for us.

What I didn’t quite articulate above and to my church is how I feel God is leading, what I feel the role I will play will be… As undoubtedly tough Czech was this year (in ways I hadn’t experienced before and perhaps more tough than years before)… as I was in the airport and saying goodbye to the Czechs I remember telling Paul “Errr… I’ve been saying goodbye to the Irish team, because I’m staying, that’s ok?” which was replied with “Sure Rach. One day.”

As much as I realise God has me exactly where I am (currently NI, soon to be Cardiff) part of me feels like Czech is home. As challenging as ministry out there is (in the small ways I’ve experienced it so far) it gets me excited, passionate and it feels right. All this to say… I feel God is calling me to serve long term in the Czech Republic.

Part of me is shocked that that last sentence “rolls of my tongue” as easily as it does… Part of me wants to scream out impracticalities, language barriers and other little nigglings that should make that sentence terrifying and "wrong". But a bigger part of me feels this is completely right and for me to be sitting at the end of two and a half weeks of ministry and say that, actually, I’d love to do this full time is pretty amazing and just another confirmation of this potential call.

I am so stinking excited about where God is leading me and what I can be doing in the near future that will help me serve God in later years.

I am also hoping to hop fully back onto the blogging wagon in the weeks that lie ahead!

Labels: Czech, exciting, future, God, mission